Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Becoming a mom
I know this is going to sound crazy for a woman with three kids to say, but I now really feel like a mother. Not that I didn't before exactly. After Levi was born I remember very specifically when it hit me that I was his mother. He'd just been circumcised and was in the nursery crying his little lungs out when I walked past the door. Just from hearing his cry I knew that was my baby and when I went in he stopped crying as soon as he heard my voice. I've always felt connected to Levi and Brenna and, now to Jack - very much THEIR mother. But now I feel like *a* mother, part of the motherhood society. Now I feel like people see a mother when they see me, whether my kids are with me or not. It isn't that I've become only a mother, as if there is no other side to me. It's more that I'm beginning to feel at home in this role. Comfortable with it. I'm okay that the college kids ask me where things are in the grocery store (obviously I'm there a lot, right?) and that to a lot of people under the age of six my name might as well be "Levi's mom." It doesn't bother me (much) anymore that I can't wear the spiky heels at the back of my closet since I have a baby to tote and a toddler to chase (and they don't fit since my feet grow with each pregnancy). I'm a mom. It doesn't mean that I'm old or frumpy or dull, but it does mean something. Something I'm just starting to figure out.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Reorganization
The first time I had a baby, my life turned completely upside down. It was literally as if I had one life before he was born and a new one started when I brought him home. I quit my job to stay home with him (although that was not our original plan) and, due to the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing, I basically sat on the couch and got to know my baby for a couple of months. Then I slowly started trying to figure out how to be a mom, run a house, live on one paycheck, and still pay attention to my wonderful hubby. God knew what He was doing when He gave me two and a half years to get some experience with one baby before He sent Brenna. There was a pretty high learning curve after Brenna, too. Not only was I going from one kid to two, I was adding on a baby who is what we affectionately call "high maintenance."
So while I was getting ready for little Jack to be born, I expected there to be a good bit of shuffling schedules and re-thinking of routines. But this time instead of being overwhelmed by it dreading it, I'm actually looking forward to it. I can't wait to get a fresh perspective on how we do things and what's working and what won't work for now. I've gotten a little more at ease about speaking up about what I can do and what I can't do. I had to give up a couple of "jobs" at the church when Brenna was born and it was really upsetting for me. I felt guilty about it and, unfortunately, that gave other people the idea that I should feel guilty about it. But since I realized that God made me a mother and that His priorities for me now may be different and since I started repeating that to myself everyday:), I've discovered a whole realm of ways to serve from home or with my kids that I hadn't even thought of before. For example, I recently started making the bread for communion and it is such a blessing for me. I love to bake, but it's something I tend to do for others - to cheer them up, to impress them (this is a real problem for me sometimes), even occasionally to bribe them:) But this is something just between Christ and I. And I might have never thought to volunteer until I realized that I needed to move from being in the "outfront" kinds of service to being more behind the scenes.
A lot of things need reorganizing around here, frankly. Pregnancy is always a rough time for me and towards the end I'm pretty much in survival mode. So now that I've freed up all of that time I was spending throwing up, I have time to get things back in shape around here - or rather in a new shape. Our family has grown and changed so it's my job to figure out the best way to roll with it. More laundry, needing to nurse when I should be cooking supper, taking three kids to the grocery store...It may sound irrational, but I sure am having fun:)
So while I was getting ready for little Jack to be born, I expected there to be a good bit of shuffling schedules and re-thinking of routines. But this time instead of being overwhelmed by it dreading it, I'm actually looking forward to it. I can't wait to get a fresh perspective on how we do things and what's working and what won't work for now. I've gotten a little more at ease about speaking up about what I can do and what I can't do. I had to give up a couple of "jobs" at the church when Brenna was born and it was really upsetting for me. I felt guilty about it and, unfortunately, that gave other people the idea that I should feel guilty about it. But since I realized that God made me a mother and that His priorities for me now may be different and since I started repeating that to myself everyday:), I've discovered a whole realm of ways to serve from home or with my kids that I hadn't even thought of before. For example, I recently started making the bread for communion and it is such a blessing for me. I love to bake, but it's something I tend to do for others - to cheer them up, to impress them (this is a real problem for me sometimes), even occasionally to bribe them:) But this is something just between Christ and I. And I might have never thought to volunteer until I realized that I needed to move from being in the "outfront" kinds of service to being more behind the scenes.
A lot of things need reorganizing around here, frankly. Pregnancy is always a rough time for me and towards the end I'm pretty much in survival mode. So now that I've freed up all of that time I was spending throwing up, I have time to get things back in shape around here - or rather in a new shape. Our family has grown and changed so it's my job to figure out the best way to roll with it. More laundry, needing to nurse when I should be cooking supper, taking three kids to the grocery store...It may sound irrational, but I sure am having fun:)
Monday, January 30, 2006
Colds/Flu strikes the Miller home
This is a lousy time for us to get sick, but sick is what we are. Levi's on the upswing from full on flu - including all the fun stomach symptoms. Casey and Brenna have colds with coughs and baby and I are just stuffed up. I think we'll all survive, but with Casey working overtime I sure am having some sleepless nights. The irony is that I've only left the house 2 times since we've been home in an effort to keep Jack from catching anything and we still got sick. All this cabinfever for nothing!
But it could be so much worse. My friend's baby, born 4 days before Jack, is having surgery today for a stomach problem. I can only imagine the pain of watching a tiny baby struggle with a serious problem like that. The heel sticks to check Jack for jaundice were traumatic for me - I can't imagine IVs and surgery. If y'all will, I know she'd really appreciate prayer for little Luke.
So we're recovering - hopefully enough to avoid the doctor's office, which is where I think this came from. Is it any wonder I try to stay out of there?
But it could be so much worse. My friend's baby, born 4 days before Jack, is having surgery today for a stomach problem. I can only imagine the pain of watching a tiny baby struggle with a serious problem like that. The heel sticks to check Jack for jaundice were traumatic for me - I can't imagine IVs and surgery. If y'all will, I know she'd really appreciate prayer for little Luke.
So we're recovering - hopefully enough to avoid the doctor's office, which is where I think this came from. Is it any wonder I try to stay out of there?
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Baby Jack (long!)
I'm typing this one handed so y'all bear with me:) I just wanted to (finally) fill everyone in on our very busy week!
Jack's birth really didn't go like I planned, but, Praise God!, he's here safe and sound. Last Thursday night (the 12th) I laid in bed all night having a lot of what I assumed were more Braxton Hicks contractions - painful as always, but irregular. Hubby was at work so he missed out on my grumpiness, for awhile. The next morning, the kids and I slept late - til 8, that's late at our house. By the time I got them breakfast the contractions were getting a lot closer together and more regular so I laid down to try to get them to stop - still thinking it was just false labor. This is what's commonly known as denial. I finally started calling hubby at 10 when the pains were ten minutes apart and veeerrrry painful. When I called my doctor he wanted me to come into the office to be put on a monitor. Not what I wanted to hear. The monitor? Did this guy not understand I was in labor?!? All of a sudden I was getting very sure that we were headed directly for a baby here and I needed to get myself to the hospital.
Hubby brought his mom home with him to keep the kids and we jumped in the car - no shower, no bag, no nuthin' - and headed to the doctor's office an hour away. Let's just say it was a long drive. We had to keep pulling over so I could be sick (such fun for the people passing us I'm sure). And I was extremely cranky at this point - crying, ranting, raving. I was trying to behave myself, but...let's just say it was not a pretty picture, but hubby stuck with me:)
By the time we got close to the doctor's office, he had called the cell phone to send us on over to the hospital where he was waiting on us. After he checked me, we were all glad I'd gone there first. I was only dilated to a four, but the contractions were only 3 minutes apart. With my first pregnancy I went from 4 cm to needing to push in what seemed like seconds - although I wound up with a c-section anyway. So I may have delivered at the doctor's office had we gone there first. But since we were at the hospital everything went smoothly. I was scheduled for a repeat section for medical reasons so we went ahead with that, but I was much more relaxed and "in control" feeling this time. I got the spinal instead of the epidural - for some reason they always try to push that epidural, and I liked it fine after I got it, but I couldn't go through getting the thing again. Last time it took three very painful tries. The spinal was much easier. Hubby was a little nervous because there was no one there with us yet - we usually have quite a crowd lining the halls. I made him promise to stay with the baby - even if he had to be transferred to another hospital, so he was very worried about having to leave me all alone. My grandparents made it just in time, though.
The surgery itself went really smoothly. The doctor's and nurses were wonderful and worked hard to try to give me the kind of birth I wanted. The only hitch was lowering the curtain in time for me to see the baby sliding out. They lowered it in time, but had to yank it back up to keep the little guy from peeing in my face:) My nausea was still going strong and let me just tell you - throwing up when you're numb from the breastbone down and your insides are on the outside is quite an experience. And not a good one. On a positive (I guess) note, we did discover one anti-nausea medication that works for me (instead of making it worse!) - after trying everything else.
Jack's Apgars were wonderful, but he did have to stay in NICU for about five hours due to some breathing problems. He seems just fine now, but I'm still being a little extra cautious with him - washing hands before visitors hold him, staying home for these first few weeks, the stuff other moms do with every baby:) He's sleeping a lot and doesn't seem to nurse as much as my first two, but he's gaining pretty quickly. He was back up to his birth weight within a week, in spite of serious jaundice.
I just can't find the words to get across how blessed I feel. God is so good! I'm just in awe of Him and His creation. The way He's cared for me and for this precious new life is just more than I can really comprehend. I'm so amazed that this little person fit inside me - how is it that a week and a half ago I felt so huge and now I can imagine how I was carrying this little guy around in me! Nothing compares to knowing that God knit this little one together in me and then protected us both through the whole process of growing him and bringing him into the world! Have I said it before? God is SOOO good!
Jack's birth really didn't go like I planned, but, Praise God!, he's here safe and sound. Last Thursday night (the 12th) I laid in bed all night having a lot of what I assumed were more Braxton Hicks contractions - painful as always, but irregular. Hubby was at work so he missed out on my grumpiness, for awhile. The next morning, the kids and I slept late - til 8, that's late at our house. By the time I got them breakfast the contractions were getting a lot closer together and more regular so I laid down to try to get them to stop - still thinking it was just false labor. This is what's commonly known as denial. I finally started calling hubby at 10 when the pains were ten minutes apart and veeerrrry painful. When I called my doctor he wanted me to come into the office to be put on a monitor. Not what I wanted to hear. The monitor? Did this guy not understand I was in labor?!? All of a sudden I was getting very sure that we were headed directly for a baby here and I needed to get myself to the hospital.
Hubby brought his mom home with him to keep the kids and we jumped in the car - no shower, no bag, no nuthin' - and headed to the doctor's office an hour away. Let's just say it was a long drive. We had to keep pulling over so I could be sick (such fun for the people passing us I'm sure). And I was extremely cranky at this point - crying, ranting, raving. I was trying to behave myself, but...let's just say it was not a pretty picture, but hubby stuck with me:)
By the time we got close to the doctor's office, he had called the cell phone to send us on over to the hospital where he was waiting on us. After he checked me, we were all glad I'd gone there first. I was only dilated to a four, but the contractions were only 3 minutes apart. With my first pregnancy I went from 4 cm to needing to push in what seemed like seconds - although I wound up with a c-section anyway. So I may have delivered at the doctor's office had we gone there first. But since we were at the hospital everything went smoothly. I was scheduled for a repeat section for medical reasons so we went ahead with that, but I was much more relaxed and "in control" feeling this time. I got the spinal instead of the epidural - for some reason they always try to push that epidural, and I liked it fine after I got it, but I couldn't go through getting the thing again. Last time it took three very painful tries. The spinal was much easier. Hubby was a little nervous because there was no one there with us yet - we usually have quite a crowd lining the halls. I made him promise to stay with the baby - even if he had to be transferred to another hospital, so he was very worried about having to leave me all alone. My grandparents made it just in time, though.
The surgery itself went really smoothly. The doctor's and nurses were wonderful and worked hard to try to give me the kind of birth I wanted. The only hitch was lowering the curtain in time for me to see the baby sliding out. They lowered it in time, but had to yank it back up to keep the little guy from peeing in my face:) My nausea was still going strong and let me just tell you - throwing up when you're numb from the breastbone down and your insides are on the outside is quite an experience. And not a good one. On a positive (I guess) note, we did discover one anti-nausea medication that works for me (instead of making it worse!) - after trying everything else.
Jack's Apgars were wonderful, but he did have to stay in NICU for about five hours due to some breathing problems. He seems just fine now, but I'm still being a little extra cautious with him - washing hands before visitors hold him, staying home for these first few weeks, the stuff other moms do with every baby:) He's sleeping a lot and doesn't seem to nurse as much as my first two, but he's gaining pretty quickly. He was back up to his birth weight within a week, in spite of serious jaundice.
I just can't find the words to get across how blessed I feel. God is so good! I'm just in awe of Him and His creation. The way He's cared for me and for this precious new life is just more than I can really comprehend. I'm so amazed that this little person fit inside me - how is it that a week and a half ago I felt so huge and now I can imagine how I was carrying this little guy around in me! Nothing compares to knowing that God knit this little one together in me and then protected us both through the whole process of growing him and bringing him into the world! Have I said it before? God is SOOO good!
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Jack Warnock Miller is here ...
and he's beautiful! A little early (3 1/2 weeks), but he was 7lbs and 3 oz. I can't wait to fill in all the details, but it's a little hectic right now so I'll get back to you. In the meantime, just let me say God is so good!
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
I'm kind of hungry...
This is a very good sign. For some reason I am sick for at least the first 35 weeks of pregnancy. I don't just mean I wake up a little nauseous. I mean even the thought of food makes me violently ill. I struggle to keep down things like saltines and ice. But the last few weeks I start to get a little bit of my appetite back and I actually start to gain back a little of the weight I've been steadily losing for the last 9 1/2 months. My doctor is usually thrilled. I'm still sick, but not as much.
So I woke up today and, after throwing up, actually craved a grapefruit. And a grilled ham and cheese. And for dinner tonight .... I cooked! Something better than chicken tenders and fries! Chicken marsala, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, sauteed spinach (with more garlic), and homemade (that's right, I said homemade) bread. And it was good. I missed cooking.
So I woke up today and, after throwing up, actually craved a grapefruit. And a grilled ham and cheese. And for dinner tonight .... I cooked! Something better than chicken tenders and fries! Chicken marsala, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, sauteed spinach (with more garlic), and homemade (that's right, I said homemade) bread. And it was good. I missed cooking.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Is anyone else ready to get going on 2006?
I have an almost strange amount of energy this morning - well for someone this pregnant, anyway:) I have so many projects I can't wait to get started on and/or finish up - and of course I want to get it all done before our new little guy gets here.
We're working on redecorating in the kid's rooms. Levi has his own "big boy" room with a transportation theme. We're working on painting a train on his wall with the "train up a child" verse over it. He's really excited about painting on the walls:) Brenna and Baby will share a room (when he moves out of our room, anyway). It has a sort of princess and the frog theme. Lots of little froggies with crowns.
We're also working on switching Brenna from the crib to a toddler bed. After much consideration we finally decided it would be better to get her used to the toddler bed before the baby gets here, even though he won't be in the crib for a little while. We have a cradle (handmade by my grandfather for our first baby) that goes in our room, but most of the time new babies sleep with us. We usually transition to the crib after a couple of months.
I'm organizing the playroom/schoolroom. It's a disaster. Before Christmas I weeded out all of the unused and or broken toys (as well as a few things I just didn't like) to make room for the influx from family members who love to spoil my kids:) But I didn't clear out enough! We're working on some new shelves like these for books and some new storage for toys - some of the tiny stuff is even going in Levi's room in a rolling set of plastic drawers. They really got some great gifts though - a lot of educational stuff and toys with great play potential. Our favorite so far is the huge "sand"box that Casey made for Levi. It's actually filled with peagravel making it perfect for building roads with Levi's nine million Tonka trucks and much neater than sand. It's actually big enough for Levi and Casey to play in:)
I've already started reorganizing my household notebook and reworking some of our routines for these last few weeks before baby and the first few weeks after. I've really revamped my menu and grocery list making sections since Casey is taking over the grocery shopping for a little while. Grocery shopping is actually one of my favorite jobs, but right now I'm having trouble walking very far at all. And, while the kids are actually very well behaved (most of the time) in the store, it's still just not much fun hauling little ones in and out. So since Casey can run in first thing in the morning when he gets off work, I'm taking full advantage. I'll still be doing all the planning - but that's pretty easy from the couch!
I've definitely started to hit that nesting phase, although probably not at full stride just yet. Just a few weeks left to go though - and that's if there are no surprises:) I have this week "off" from going to the doctor, but next week I go in for a biophysical profile. I love the ultrasound part of this - staring for 1/2 an hour at my baby is so wonderful. We actually just had an ultrasound last week, which my mom got to be with us for. The little guy appears to have a head full of hair, not surprisingly since my other two did, too. But the wonderful tech who does ultrasounds for my doctor is convinced that this little guy's hair is curly:) And we got a fabulous picture of his foot. His second toe is longer than his big toe, which my granny says means he will rule the roost:) That sounds good to me! All these little peaks inside just make me itch to get my hands on him. I can hardly wait!
Our year is off to a running start it seems like. Well, maybe more like a fast waddle for me:) But at least I'm moving in the right direction!
We're working on redecorating in the kid's rooms. Levi has his own "big boy" room with a transportation theme. We're working on painting a train on his wall with the "train up a child" verse over it. He's really excited about painting on the walls:) Brenna and Baby will share a room (when he moves out of our room, anyway). It has a sort of princess and the frog theme. Lots of little froggies with crowns.
We're also working on switching Brenna from the crib to a toddler bed. After much consideration we finally decided it would be better to get her used to the toddler bed before the baby gets here, even though he won't be in the crib for a little while. We have a cradle (handmade by my grandfather for our first baby) that goes in our room, but most of the time new babies sleep with us. We usually transition to the crib after a couple of months.
I'm organizing the playroom/schoolroom. It's a disaster. Before Christmas I weeded out all of the unused and or broken toys (as well as a few things I just didn't like) to make room for the influx from family members who love to spoil my kids:) But I didn't clear out enough! We're working on some new shelves like these for books and some new storage for toys - some of the tiny stuff is even going in Levi's room in a rolling set of plastic drawers. They really got some great gifts though - a lot of educational stuff and toys with great play potential. Our favorite so far is the huge "sand"box that Casey made for Levi. It's actually filled with peagravel making it perfect for building roads with Levi's nine million Tonka trucks and much neater than sand. It's actually big enough for Levi and Casey to play in:)
I've already started reorganizing my household notebook and reworking some of our routines for these last few weeks before baby and the first few weeks after. I've really revamped my menu and grocery list making sections since Casey is taking over the grocery shopping for a little while. Grocery shopping is actually one of my favorite jobs, but right now I'm having trouble walking very far at all. And, while the kids are actually very well behaved (most of the time) in the store, it's still just not much fun hauling little ones in and out. So since Casey can run in first thing in the morning when he gets off work, I'm taking full advantage. I'll still be doing all the planning - but that's pretty easy from the couch!
I've definitely started to hit that nesting phase, although probably not at full stride just yet. Just a few weeks left to go though - and that's if there are no surprises:) I have this week "off" from going to the doctor, but next week I go in for a biophysical profile. I love the ultrasound part of this - staring for 1/2 an hour at my baby is so wonderful. We actually just had an ultrasound last week, which my mom got to be with us for. The little guy appears to have a head full of hair, not surprisingly since my other two did, too. But the wonderful tech who does ultrasounds for my doctor is convinced that this little guy's hair is curly:) And we got a fabulous picture of his foot. His second toe is longer than his big toe, which my granny says means he will rule the roost:) That sounds good to me! All these little peaks inside just make me itch to get my hands on him. I can hardly wait!
Our year is off to a running start it seems like. Well, maybe more like a fast waddle for me:) But at least I'm moving in the right direction!
Friday, December 30, 2005
I drank a coke today
Since I have insulin issues while I'm pregnant (and really the rest of the time, too), I really watch my sugar intake very carefully. I completely swear off coca cola while I'm expecting, even though I love, love, love it. So when my husband brought some home last night I knew there was gonna be trouble. He bought it to take to a cookout at a friend's house, but the friend already had plenty to drink. So he brought it home. I guess I understand. I mean, what was he supposed to do - throw it away? I kid you not - I literally laid in bed last night thinking about that coke. So I had a glass this morning and... it was good. Hubby's working on getting the rest of it out of the house for me, but I think I feel my willpower coming back anyway, so I should be fine. But I'm pretty amazed that after months of not drinking the stuff I could still be that addicted!
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Christmas - a look back
It's hard to imagine that something we work and plan so long for is over in one short weekend. But it is...until next year. I have to say this Christmas felt really good. The kids still got swamped with gifts from both sides of the family - some more welcome than others. The gifts, I mean. And there was still a little stress from the driving back and forth and staying up too late. But overall, it was a wonderful Christmas and I couldn't be happier that it went so smoothly. The gifts we gave brought as much pleasure as the ones we got and some of the ones we got were especially wonderful. My uncle who is a pastor gave us some beautiful advent storybooks for next year since he heard that I was trying to incorporate more spiritual focus into our holiday. My mother-in-law bought me a fabulous iron, which was well out of my price range. Now I can stop living in fear that my old one might electrocute me if I turn on the steam. And my mother, who always gives great gifts, got me new maternity clothes to wear for the holidays - even though I only have a few weeks left. I protested the impracticality, but new clothes made me feel like a new woman:) And my mom pointed out that I can always use them next time! It's so nice to have her support - that was as good a gift as any.
So now we're taking it easy. Slowly putting all the presents away and getting the decorations downstairs. And this year I don't have the post-Christmas letdown I usually experience. There's still too much to look forward to in this house! My niece and nephew are here for a visit, as are my parents. And, best of all, we have a new baby to get ready for. I had a sonogram yesterday, by the way, and he's gorgeous! With tons of hair! My mom came with me and we were both just blown away. The 3d (or 4d?) sonograms are so detailed. We now have a great picture of his foot (second toe is longer than his big toe) and his ear, which curls just like his daddy's. I just can't wait to meet this little guy!
I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas!
So now we're taking it easy. Slowly putting all the presents away and getting the decorations downstairs. And this year I don't have the post-Christmas letdown I usually experience. There's still too much to look forward to in this house! My niece and nephew are here for a visit, as are my parents. And, best of all, we have a new baby to get ready for. I had a sonogram yesterday, by the way, and he's gorgeous! With tons of hair! My mom came with me and we were both just blown away. The 3d (or 4d?) sonograms are so detailed. We now have a great picture of his foot (second toe is longer than his big toe) and his ear, which curls just like his daddy's. I just can't wait to meet this little guy!
I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas!
Saturday, December 24, 2005
Merry Christmas!
It's Christmas Eve morning and all is well:) Hubby had to hit the ground running this morning to finish his "project" - a great big gravel box (like a sandbox, but with gravel) in the back yard for Levi. Ask me how difficult it's been to keep Levi from seeing it! So far though, the kids and I are taking it easy. They are watching a very cute animated movie about the first Christmas -lots of songs to hold their attention - while I finish baking some pecan pies. I have a few gifts left to wrap and then it's to Grandmother's house we go.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend with your families and especially that you spend some time with Our Father thanking Him for the gift of His Son.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend with your families and especially that you spend some time with Our Father thanking Him for the gift of His Son.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Things I Love About Being (Very) Pregnant
By this point in pregnancy (34 weeks) I'm quite miserable most of the time:) Since I'm only 5'2", the baby doesn't have much of anywhere to go except up into my rib cage and straight out in front of me. And I've got a sinus infection. And there are the Braxton Hicks contractions:( Etc. But I'm also well aware that this baby will be making his entrance pretty soon and I will miss being pregnant (strange as that seems to me now!). So I thought I'd list some of the things I really enjoy about being pregnant and spend some extra time over these next few weeks celebrating them.
1. Feeling the babywiggle and squirm inside me. It's so fascinating to feel this whole other person with his own arms and legs that he can move all by himself (sometimes when you least expect it) INSIDE ME! I'm already getting little clues about his personality - he seems more laid back most of the time, but when I sit down he comes to life!
2. When he gets the hiccups. I remember with Levi and Brenna being just overcome with emotion the first time that they got the hiccups after they were born. It was such a tangible reminder that just hours ago they'd been inside me.
3. I love the attention. Okay, I admit it. I like having people make just a little fuss over me - not too much, just an extra phone call or a seat in a crowd. I think it's a shame that a lot of those little courtesies have fallen to the wayside.
4. I love how thick my hair gets. And shiny:)
5. I love the instant camraderie with other pregnant women - even strangers.
6. I love planning for and daydreaming about the baby. What will he look like? Will these tiny baby clothes really fit? Levi and I had so much fun yesterday dragging out all the newborn clothes and washing them. He loved hearing about when he was that little and talking about the baby.
7. I love how excited Levi is. I'm not all together sure how much Brenna really understands yet (although she does like to kiss my belly), but Levi is so excited about *his* baby. He also is under the impression that he picked the baby's name, which is the very first secret he's ever kept. We're not arguing with him since he picked the same name we picked:)
8. I love the excuse to nap without guilt. I'm growing a human here!
9. It's such a great time to share what a blessing children are. Without a word (which is often just an invitation for people to argue with us), everyone can see that we want children just because we're happy about being pregnant.
10. Honestly - I like maternity clothes:) All clothes should have a nice stretchy waistband:)
1. Feeling the babywiggle and squirm inside me. It's so fascinating to feel this whole other person with his own arms and legs that he can move all by himself (sometimes when you least expect it) INSIDE ME! I'm already getting little clues about his personality - he seems more laid back most of the time, but when I sit down he comes to life!
2. When he gets the hiccups. I remember with Levi and Brenna being just overcome with emotion the first time that they got the hiccups after they were born. It was such a tangible reminder that just hours ago they'd been inside me.
3. I love the attention. Okay, I admit it. I like having people make just a little fuss over me - not too much, just an extra phone call or a seat in a crowd. I think it's a shame that a lot of those little courtesies have fallen to the wayside.
4. I love how thick my hair gets. And shiny:)
5. I love the instant camraderie with other pregnant women - even strangers.
6. I love planning for and daydreaming about the baby. What will he look like? Will these tiny baby clothes really fit? Levi and I had so much fun yesterday dragging out all the newborn clothes and washing them. He loved hearing about when he was that little and talking about the baby.
7. I love how excited Levi is. I'm not all together sure how much Brenna really understands yet (although she does like to kiss my belly), but Levi is so excited about *his* baby. He also is under the impression that he picked the baby's name, which is the very first secret he's ever kept. We're not arguing with him since he picked the same name we picked:)
8. I love the excuse to nap without guilt. I'm growing a human here!
9. It's such a great time to share what a blessing children are. Without a word (which is often just an invitation for people to argue with us), everyone can see that we want children just because we're happy about being pregnant.
10. Honestly - I like maternity clothes:) All clothes should have a nice stretchy waistband:)
Monday, December 19, 2005
The final test of my Christmas resolve
Well, it's just 5 or 6 days until Christmas - depending on when you start celebrating. We do a lot of Christmas Eve stuff so I tend to count both days. Our family's tradition goes something like this. On Christmas Eve I want to get to my Grandmother's (mom's mom) as early in the day as possible to help with the baking and cooking and eating and to visit. My parents live in Texas so any time they're here I like to spend a lot of time visiting:) We almost always have last minute stuff to do though and don't get to Dublin (an hour's drive) until about 4pm. Everyone gathers at Grandma's house by about 6 and we have snacks and goodies until the little kids can wait no longer to open presents. Isn't it odd that I remember so well when I was one of those kids jumping up and down, but now I prefer the snacks and visiting? We all exchange presents with the teenagers usually being "Santa" and passing them out. It's becoming somewhat chaotic as our family grows, but usually everyone is pretty polite. Then we move back to the kitchen for my grandparent's anniversary toast. They've been married for 51 years on Christmas Eve this year! These two are so inspirational to us because they are *not* one of those perfect couples. My grandfather was just saved within the last few years (PTL!), they were a military couple, they suffered a lot of loss, and they can just both be hard to get along with:) On their anniversary last year, we watched them have a big argument about the crossword puzzle! But they've managed to genuinely love each other for better than 50 years:)
Anyway...I got side-tracked. After Grandma's, it's off to Granny's (dad's mom) where people stop in to visit all evening and a wonderful chaos reigns. We usually don't get everyone settled down enough to open gifts until pretty late - 10 or 11 at least. So by the time we leave there and drive home, we're looking at midnight to get home.
Christmas Day starts with more presents and breakfast for the four of us. Then church! We're really excited about being able to worship with our church family this year on Christmas Day. Then over to my sister-in-law's house for a big Christmas dinner and, that's right, more presents. Then we drive home for a nice quiet supper and reading the Christmas story again before bed.
There are lots of little events this week, too, before Christmas. My Ladies' Fellowship meeting/party, Levi's Kid's Club party, church Wednesday night, my parents and sister getting into town, it's my week to clean the church, groceries have to be bought, etc.... So how am I going to maintain my commitment to a tranquil Christmas? What's really helped so far is extra alone time with my Father. Even though I don't technically have time when there is so much else to do, spending extra time in the Word and in prayer has been so wonderful this month. I can't even count the number of times I've been drawn back to focus on Christ, not parties, on Christ, not food, on Christ, not presents. So this week, when I know the "one more gift" and "I hate to miss" thoughts will start popping up with more intensity, I'm counting on time with my Savior to remind me about what's really important. I can't wait!
Anyway...I got side-tracked. After Grandma's, it's off to Granny's (dad's mom) where people stop in to visit all evening and a wonderful chaos reigns. We usually don't get everyone settled down enough to open gifts until pretty late - 10 or 11 at least. So by the time we leave there and drive home, we're looking at midnight to get home.
Christmas Day starts with more presents and breakfast for the four of us. Then church! We're really excited about being able to worship with our church family this year on Christmas Day. Then over to my sister-in-law's house for a big Christmas dinner and, that's right, more presents. Then we drive home for a nice quiet supper and reading the Christmas story again before bed.
There are lots of little events this week, too, before Christmas. My Ladies' Fellowship meeting/party, Levi's Kid's Club party, church Wednesday night, my parents and sister getting into town, it's my week to clean the church, groceries have to be bought, etc.... So how am I going to maintain my commitment to a tranquil Christmas? What's really helped so far is extra alone time with my Father. Even though I don't technically have time when there is so much else to do, spending extra time in the Word and in prayer has been so wonderful this month. I can't even count the number of times I've been drawn back to focus on Christ, not parties, on Christ, not food, on Christ, not presents. So this week, when I know the "one more gift" and "I hate to miss" thoughts will start popping up with more intensity, I'm counting on time with my Savior to remind me about what's really important. I can't wait!
Thursday, December 15, 2005
Christmas Gift Ideas
In my effort to fins Christmas gifts that are a) something the recipient will actually use and/or enjoy and b) not outside our limited Christmas budget, I stumbled upon this website. If there's anyone on your list who might enjoy a magazine subscription this is the place to go! I just bought three gift subscriptions for less than 5 bucks - that's total, not each:) And, even better, it's a magazine that I think all three of my sister-in-laws will really enjoy. Now I didn't see a lot of specifically Christian materials, although that wasn't really what I was looking for, but I did see a lot of high quality magazines. So check it out and shop to your little heart's content:)
Monday, December 12, 2005
Boy what a weekend...
Levi had a great birthday. Four years old! We took him and his cousin to Chuck E. Cheese's on Saturday. That's a whole post in and of itself. A zillion kids, all the coke they want, a confined space... Levi and Noah had a good time though and that's what we were aiming for:) Brenna really liked the toddler area, but the rest of it was a little overwhelming.
We had ice cream cake at home and a birthday party the next morning at Sunday School with cupcakes for all the kids. I was afraid I'd be cheating him some how by not having a regular birthday party at home, but it turned out fine. He was excited about getting to do something different and it was a lot easier on me. Which turned out to be a good thing since I had Braxton Hicks contractions all day Sunday. I was miserable! If I hear one more person say that they aren't supposed to hurt, I may snap my twig! I was actually really nervous since I have 6 1/2 weeks left until d-day and words like "under-developed lungs" and "NICU" kept running through my mind. I know that God is in control of this little guys life - including his birthday - but I can't help but want him to be fully "cooked." Although I will admit to being a tad impaitient to get him out here:)
In the meantime, Lydia has written a fabulous post on homemaking and the kitchen over at Choosing Home. I'm so inspired to get my kitchen in order! So today I'm cleaning out cabinets and the fridge and freezer - now that the remnants of the ice cream cake are out of the way (hubby and Levi finished them off for breakfast - how's that for healthy?). I may even get around to baking a few dozen nice healthy muffins for the freezer. Breakfast in the freezer - it's a good thing:)
We had ice cream cake at home and a birthday party the next morning at Sunday School with cupcakes for all the kids. I was afraid I'd be cheating him some how by not having a regular birthday party at home, but it turned out fine. He was excited about getting to do something different and it was a lot easier on me. Which turned out to be a good thing since I had Braxton Hicks contractions all day Sunday. I was miserable! If I hear one more person say that they aren't supposed to hurt, I may snap my twig! I was actually really nervous since I have 6 1/2 weeks left until d-day and words like "under-developed lungs" and "NICU" kept running through my mind. I know that God is in control of this little guys life - including his birthday - but I can't help but want him to be fully "cooked." Although I will admit to being a tad impaitient to get him out here:)
In the meantime, Lydia has written a fabulous post on homemaking and the kitchen over at Choosing Home. I'm so inspired to get my kitchen in order! So today I'm cleaning out cabinets and the fridge and freezer - now that the remnants of the ice cream cake are out of the way (hubby and Levi finished them off for breakfast - how's that for healthy?). I may even get around to baking a few dozen nice healthy muffins for the freezer. Breakfast in the freezer - it's a good thing:)
Thursday, December 08, 2005
Should the state have taken this child from her parents?
I just saw this on Primetime and it's got me really thinking. For those of you who don't feel like doing a lot of reading... a beautiful, three year old little girl died of what may have been AIDS related causes. Her mother who is HIV+ does not believe in taking drugs to combat the HIV and didn't take them while she was pregnant. She also breastfed her daughter and refused to have her tested for the virus.
So now there's a large contingent of people who lay the blame for her daughter's death on her head. And, at least some who say that if an HIV+ woman has a baby and refuses to have the baby tested for the virus - her child should be removed from her custody by the state.
So my question, I guess, is this...does the state have the right to compell a parent to have their child undergo medical testing or treatment? If we allow exceptions for people who have a "religious" objection to medical treatment, then why is this woman's belief different? She strongly believes that it was in her daughter's best interest to be breastfed, to not be tested, to not be exposed to anti-viral drugs in utero. Who gets the final say about a child's healthcare? The parents or the state?
I feel like I have to say that I didn't "like" this woman. Had it been me, there is no way I could have risked feeding my child a fatal virus. But I can't help but wonder why this is different than choosing whether or not to have your child vaccinated or to give them a blood transfusion. And if we say that it's okay to take a child away from his or her parent because they don't make the *right* medical decisions, then a lot of us may be in trouble.
So now there's a large contingent of people who lay the blame for her daughter's death on her head. And, at least some who say that if an HIV+ woman has a baby and refuses to have the baby tested for the virus - her child should be removed from her custody by the state.
So my question, I guess, is this...does the state have the right to compell a parent to have their child undergo medical testing or treatment? If we allow exceptions for people who have a "religious" objection to medical treatment, then why is this woman's belief different? She strongly believes that it was in her daughter's best interest to be breastfed, to not be tested, to not be exposed to anti-viral drugs in utero. Who gets the final say about a child's healthcare? The parents or the state?
I feel like I have to say that I didn't "like" this woman. Had it been me, there is no way I could have risked feeding my child a fatal virus. But I can't help but wonder why this is different than choosing whether or not to have your child vaccinated or to give them a blood transfusion. And if we say that it's okay to take a child away from his or her parent because they don't make the *right* medical decisions, then a lot of us may be in trouble.
This is as indepth as my thought process can go today:)
1. Seven things to do before I die: Celebrate (at least) our 50th anniversary - 75th would be even better. See all my children and grandchildren walking in the faith and following God's will. Visit the Holy Land. Help to deliver a baby (in a midwife kind of way). Hear my husband say "this gravy is better than my mom's!" Write a book. And, on a sort of selfish note, lose weight and keep it off.
2. Seven things I cannot do: Make a pie crust that doesn't fall apart. Buy groceries without a list. Stop giving my baby brother advice (he just got out of the navy, but I still remind him not to run out of gas). Go more than a day or two without talking to my mom. Wear orange. Put down a good book. Ignore chocolate.
3. Seven things that attract me to my husband: He's the hardest worker I've ever met. He's so tall and handsome. He really believes in the sacredness of marriage. He's generous. He has gorgeous blue eyes. He writes me great love letters. He's a wonderful daddy. He brings home dinner when I'm too sick to cook. He glows when we have a new baby. He stands up for me whenever I need defending. Was I supposed to stop at seven? Amy's right, some things we can't help.
4. Seven things I say most often: Use your fork, not your hands. Brenna, get down. Please get a tissue. Where is my...(insert interesting-to-a-toddler object here)? Mommy needs to rest for a minute. Okay, one more book. Church isn't until...Wednesday, Sunday, this evening, whenever (Levi's favorite question lately is "when can we go to church?").
5. Seven books (or series) I love: The Bible (NIV is my favorite, but that's me). Gone With the Wind. The Tightwad Gazette. All the Way Home. The Left Behind Series (they're not the Gospel, just a thought provoking read!). The Mommy Manual. The Hidden Art of Homemaking.
6. Seven movies I watch over and over again: Let's see if I can think of seven...Gone With the Wind, of course (Amy, are you sure y'all can't move up here?). To Kill a Mockingbird. A Time To Kill. That's all I can think of right this minute. I watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation every year (hubby loves it). And, although I doubt I could watch it over and over, I'd count The Passion of the Christ on my list just because it had such an impact on me.
7. Seven people I want to join in, too: Let's just make this an open invite since I don't like to put anyone on the spot:)
2. Seven things I cannot do: Make a pie crust that doesn't fall apart. Buy groceries without a list. Stop giving my baby brother advice (he just got out of the navy, but I still remind him not to run out of gas). Go more than a day or two without talking to my mom. Wear orange. Put down a good book. Ignore chocolate.
3. Seven things that attract me to my husband: He's the hardest worker I've ever met. He's so tall and handsome. He really believes in the sacredness of marriage. He's generous. He has gorgeous blue eyes. He writes me great love letters. He's a wonderful daddy. He brings home dinner when I'm too sick to cook. He glows when we have a new baby. He stands up for me whenever I need defending. Was I supposed to stop at seven? Amy's right, some things we can't help.
4. Seven things I say most often: Use your fork, not your hands. Brenna, get down. Please get a tissue. Where is my...(insert interesting-to-a-toddler object here)? Mommy needs to rest for a minute. Okay, one more book. Church isn't until...Wednesday, Sunday, this evening, whenever (Levi's favorite question lately is "when can we go to church?").
5. Seven books (or series) I love: The Bible (NIV is my favorite, but that's me). Gone With the Wind. The Tightwad Gazette. All the Way Home. The Left Behind Series (they're not the Gospel, just a thought provoking read!). The Mommy Manual. The Hidden Art of Homemaking.
6. Seven movies I watch over and over again: Let's see if I can think of seven...Gone With the Wind, of course (Amy, are you sure y'all can't move up here?). To Kill a Mockingbird. A Time To Kill. That's all I can think of right this minute. I watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation every year (hubby loves it). And, although I doubt I could watch it over and over, I'd count The Passion of the Christ on my list just because it had such an impact on me.
7. Seven people I want to join in, too: Let's just make this an open invite since I don't like to put anyone on the spot:)
Monday, December 05, 2005
Are you "ready" for Christmas?
I've been told that this is a Southern thing - that in other parts of the country people don't ask you this when you run into them at the Piggly Wiggly during November and December. But Christmas is THE holiday around here - the season kicks off with Thanksgiving and lasts until New Years. There are parties and dinners and cookie exchanges and Christmas plays. We decorate the house - inside and out - and the church and some people put wreaths on their cars. Add in birthdays for hubby and Levi and our anniversary and we can be a little busy around here. It can be a wonderful time of celebrating our Savior and sharing our joy with family, friends, and neighbors. Or it can be a stress-filled season of running from place to place, of "have-to's" and "should have's." It can be standing in line and fighting over the latest *must have* toy and staying up all night trying to get the Christmas cards mailed out on time.
Since I became a stay at home mom and received the salary decrease that went along with it,we've never had a lot of money to spend on Christmas. At first it really bothered me because gift giving has always been one of my very favorite parts of Christmas, but it's just a fact of life that I'm learning to deal with. This Christmas I'm determined not to be stressed out about what we can and can't afford or who gets what. I've actually decided not to be stressed out about anything this Christmas. The more I focus on the reason for this season, the more I want to have a really special holiday this year. I want to enjoy my family and be thankful for what I am able to do. Actually being 32 weeks pregnant (as of today!) I don't have the energy to do a lot of the running around that I usually do. What a blessing that's turned out to be! Any Christmas shopping I've done has been online - staying out of the stores (and they're a nightmare already) prevents me from feeling guilty about all the things I'd like to buy for family and friends. And from seeing all the things I want to put on my wishlist:) Not to mention avoiding the stress of shopping with a pre-schooler, a toddler, and a big belly.
I've crossed lots of things off my calendar and made room for more nights of driving around to look at the lights and sip hot cocoa. Going fewer places makes it so much easier to really enjoy it when we do go out. I've cut back on a few other things, too. I'm only making the recipes I really like to make and eat this year. A side effect of ongoing nausea is that I just can't cook certain foods - and I can eat pretty much whatever sounds good to me (as long as I watch the sugar). So if I feel like gorging on my mom's sausage balls, my doctor will say "protein and calcium! great!" And since we'll be sending out birth announcements with pictures in January, I'm skipping the Christmas cards and standing in line to have the big Christmas picture made for them.
So what am I doing this holiday? What made the cut? Well, I'm really looking forward to church service on Christmas morning and I had a ball buying Brenna's Christmas dress (now to find Levi a semi-matching shirt) at a Children's Wear Outlet sale. The tag says $36 and I got it for $6! And it's beautiful! Levi is wild about Christmas light so we plan on driving around at least once a week to look at them right before bedtime. We're spending some time as a family thinking of and doing for others - spreading some of our joy! I've narrowed the gift list to things I think will really be enjoyed and to things that I can buy or make. I want people to know that I put my heart into what I gave, not just my wallet. And most of all I'm not going to feel guilty about the number of gifts under our tree. I'm focusing on what matters this season. So I'd love to hear any of your truly cherished traditions - we're always looing for good stuff to replace the meaningless stuff we're getting rid of.
Barbara has wonderful ideas on her site
Since I became a stay at home mom and received the salary decrease that went along with it,we've never had a lot of money to spend on Christmas. At first it really bothered me because gift giving has always been one of my very favorite parts of Christmas, but it's just a fact of life that I'm learning to deal with. This Christmas I'm determined not to be stressed out about what we can and can't afford or who gets what. I've actually decided not to be stressed out about anything this Christmas. The more I focus on the reason for this season, the more I want to have a really special holiday this year. I want to enjoy my family and be thankful for what I am able to do. Actually being 32 weeks pregnant (as of today!) I don't have the energy to do a lot of the running around that I usually do. What a blessing that's turned out to be! Any Christmas shopping I've done has been online - staying out of the stores (and they're a nightmare already) prevents me from feeling guilty about all the things I'd like to buy for family and friends. And from seeing all the things I want to put on my wishlist:) Not to mention avoiding the stress of shopping with a pre-schooler, a toddler, and a big belly.
I've crossed lots of things off my calendar and made room for more nights of driving around to look at the lights and sip hot cocoa. Going fewer places makes it so much easier to really enjoy it when we do go out. I've cut back on a few other things, too. I'm only making the recipes I really like to make and eat this year. A side effect of ongoing nausea is that I just can't cook certain foods - and I can eat pretty much whatever sounds good to me (as long as I watch the sugar). So if I feel like gorging on my mom's sausage balls, my doctor will say "protein and calcium! great!" And since we'll be sending out birth announcements with pictures in January, I'm skipping the Christmas cards and standing in line to have the big Christmas picture made for them.
So what am I doing this holiday? What made the cut? Well, I'm really looking forward to church service on Christmas morning and I had a ball buying Brenna's Christmas dress (now to find Levi a semi-matching shirt) at a Children's Wear Outlet sale. The tag says $36 and I got it for $6! And it's beautiful! Levi is wild about Christmas light so we plan on driving around at least once a week to look at them right before bedtime. We're spending some time as a family thinking of and doing for others - spreading some of our joy! I've narrowed the gift list to things I think will really be enjoyed and to things that I can buy or make. I want people to know that I put my heart into what I gave, not just my wallet. And most of all I'm not going to feel guilty about the number of gifts under our tree. I'm focusing on what matters this season. So I'd love to hear any of your truly cherished traditions - we're always looing for good stuff to replace the meaningless stuff we're getting rid of.
Barbara has wonderful ideas on her site
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
When Levi was born
It was about a week and a half before my due date so I still thought I had plenty of time. After all, I'm late for everything:) Boy, you really don't know anything the first time around, huh? I had read all the books and magazines. I had my birth plan all worked out - no drugs, no unneccessary interventions, etc. I was going to be great at this whole birth thing. Of course I thought I was going to be great at the whole pregnancy thing, too, and that hadn't gone exactly like I planned what with the never-ending morning sickness and all. And I had been on semi-bedrest for two days due to slight pre-eclampsia. But I was determined to "do" birth just right. I couldn't wait!
On Saturday night we went to a family Christmas party where I ate as many cream puffs as I could hold and complained about a nagging backache (to which my aunt replied "please don't have that baby right here"). The next morning I woke up having very mild contractions and decided to skip church. I just told Casey I didn't feel like going - no need to panic him just yet:) I rested up while he was gone and got a few more things unpacked. We had just moved from our apartment to a house and I was still trying to find everything. I had to unpack so I could pack for the hospital.
When Casey came home the contractions were still irregular and pretty far apart. We hung out for most of the afternoon until about six when they started coming about every ten minutes. We called my mom in Texas and called my doctor to let him know we'd be coming in sometime. We lived about an hour from the hospital so I'd been well-warned not to wait until the last minute. By 9:00 the contractions were every 6 minutes and getting painful so we headed out the door with that last "life will never be the same" look back. It was a long ride down to the hospital.
And of course when we got there I was no where near as far along as I thought - barely 2 cm dialated. My doctor didn't want to send me home so we walked. My aunt arrived almost as soon as we got there with my grandparents right behind her. Casey was a little annoyed with everyone. I think he felt like they thought he couldn't take care of me or like this should be a special time for just us. I would have agreed with him up until they actually got there:) Then I was so glad to have some company! Someone to baby me a little (not his strong suit, although he's come along way since then).
We walked for hours until I hit about 4 cm, then they wanted to hook me up to the fetal monitor. I readily agreed because it meant getting to lay down! My contractions felt a lot stronger than the little chart showed. I will never forget Casey saying "look, that one only went a third of the way up!" I was not terribly upset when he suggested running to my Granny's for a quick shower at about 7 that morning. Not that I was glad to see him go, of course. My grandfather fussed a little at him, but we figured we knew what we were doing. So my grandmothers sat with me for awhile. My doctor offered me stadol "to take the edge off" but I was still holding out. I noticed myself getting very cranky - my grandmother's conversation with each other was really getting on my nerves. "Why weren't they paying enough attention to me?" Until I had a contraction and then it was "why are they talking to me, can't they see I'm busy?" About that time I got very suddenly, very violently sick. The "nice" nurse washed me off and let me get up long enough to wash out my hair in the sink, but wouldn't let me take a shower. By the time I got back to the bed, the contractions were a lot harder and I was doing every breathing exercise I could remember to get through them. But, upon inspection, I was still not dialated very far. So, with Casey back by my side, we agreed to the pitocin. The contractions were suddenly off the chart and coming in no predictable pattern at all - one on top of the other. I think at that point they gave me stadol, but I don't really remember anything except feeling totally out of control. The next thing I remember is Casey saying that the baby's heartbeat was getting really low. He was watching that machine like a hawk. The nurse checked me and called the doctor, who inserted that internal monitor and checked me again. That was probably the most physical pain I've ever experienced. The doctor was talking, but I had no idea he was talking to me. At that point I really felt like I was going to die and just hoping that Casey would tell him to do whatever he needed to do to save them baby. I heard the doctor say "we need to get the baby out now" and when I didn't respond he shook my foot and said "Shannon, I need your consent." I was shocked that he thought I was even following their conversation - I had no idea he'd been talking to both of us.
From then on things went fast. Casey kissed me and I tried to smile at him as they wheeled me into the OR. The nurses weren't talking to me and I honestly didn't now what was going on. I didn't read the part of the book about c-sections since I wasn't going to have one. I know one nurse was particularly annoyed because I'd left my bra on! I remember the catheter being really painful on top of everything else. They were giving me oxygen and for some reason I assumed that's where the stuff to knock me out would come from. Also I was slightly hyperventilating so I was really sucking on that oxygen mask! About that time I saw my doctor standing over me with a scalpel. I've never been so scared in my life. I was so sure he was about to cut me open while I was still wide awake. Thank the Lord, he saw the look on my face and understood. He leaned over and said "I promise I won't hurt you, you'll be fine." Then they knocked me out.
I came to in the recovery room after what seemed like hours. Casey was there telling me he loved me and my cousin came in. She said "he's so beautiful. he has a head full of hair." And I thought, "who is she talking about it?" I was still a little out of it when they wheeled me into a room because when the nurse stopped by the nursery window and showed me my baby, I didn't know which one she meant.
But when they brought him to me...that was a whole different story. Here was my baby! I recognized him right away - he was the exact baby I'd been dreaming about my whole life. Just exactly like I'd always imagined me baby. Almost all of the baby boys in Casey's family had been fat and blond so I kind of assumed that's the kind we'd have, too. But this was MY baby. The perfect size, perfect features, perfect dark hair:) It was literally like being high - I was above the moon.
My doctor came in shortly to talk to me about what went wrong during the birth. He spent a long time talking to me and apologized several times that he didn't have time to talk to me more first and explain things, since he was well aware that I wanted to avoid a c-section. But Levi's cord had prolapsed and was coming first -everytime I had a contraction his head pressed on the cord and cut off his oxygen supply. Apparently he had a few dicey moments in the OR when they had to give him oxygen. I thank God for that doctor and for that surgery. I can't even let myself imagine what might have happened.
That night I had a fever which puts me at higher risk for uterine rupture now so I will probably always have c-sections from now on. But even though I was very depressed about it for a long time afterwards, I think I've managed to accept it now. I do regret that I won't ever be able to physically give birth, but I also see now what an idol I'd made out of "all-natural" childbirth. I have so much to be thankful for, including modern medicine which saved both our lives. Thanks be to God that I have my son and my daughter here healthy and that I can go on to have more children.
On Saturday night we went to a family Christmas party where I ate as many cream puffs as I could hold and complained about a nagging backache (to which my aunt replied "please don't have that baby right here"). The next morning I woke up having very mild contractions and decided to skip church. I just told Casey I didn't feel like going - no need to panic him just yet:) I rested up while he was gone and got a few more things unpacked. We had just moved from our apartment to a house and I was still trying to find everything. I had to unpack so I could pack for the hospital.
When Casey came home the contractions were still irregular and pretty far apart. We hung out for most of the afternoon until about six when they started coming about every ten minutes. We called my mom in Texas and called my doctor to let him know we'd be coming in sometime. We lived about an hour from the hospital so I'd been well-warned not to wait until the last minute. By 9:00 the contractions were every 6 minutes and getting painful so we headed out the door with that last "life will never be the same" look back. It was a long ride down to the hospital.
And of course when we got there I was no where near as far along as I thought - barely 2 cm dialated. My doctor didn't want to send me home so we walked. My aunt arrived almost as soon as we got there with my grandparents right behind her. Casey was a little annoyed with everyone. I think he felt like they thought he couldn't take care of me or like this should be a special time for just us. I would have agreed with him up until they actually got there:) Then I was so glad to have some company! Someone to baby me a little (not his strong suit, although he's come along way since then).
We walked for hours until I hit about 4 cm, then they wanted to hook me up to the fetal monitor. I readily agreed because it meant getting to lay down! My contractions felt a lot stronger than the little chart showed. I will never forget Casey saying "look, that one only went a third of the way up!" I was not terribly upset when he suggested running to my Granny's for a quick shower at about 7 that morning. Not that I was glad to see him go, of course. My grandfather fussed a little at him, but we figured we knew what we were doing. So my grandmothers sat with me for awhile. My doctor offered me stadol "to take the edge off" but I was still holding out. I noticed myself getting very cranky - my grandmother's conversation with each other was really getting on my nerves. "Why weren't they paying enough attention to me?" Until I had a contraction and then it was "why are they talking to me, can't they see I'm busy?" About that time I got very suddenly, very violently sick. The "nice" nurse washed me off and let me get up long enough to wash out my hair in the sink, but wouldn't let me take a shower. By the time I got back to the bed, the contractions were a lot harder and I was doing every breathing exercise I could remember to get through them. But, upon inspection, I was still not dialated very far. So, with Casey back by my side, we agreed to the pitocin. The contractions were suddenly off the chart and coming in no predictable pattern at all - one on top of the other. I think at that point they gave me stadol, but I don't really remember anything except feeling totally out of control. The next thing I remember is Casey saying that the baby's heartbeat was getting really low. He was watching that machine like a hawk. The nurse checked me and called the doctor, who inserted that internal monitor and checked me again. That was probably the most physical pain I've ever experienced. The doctor was talking, but I had no idea he was talking to me. At that point I really felt like I was going to die and just hoping that Casey would tell him to do whatever he needed to do to save them baby. I heard the doctor say "we need to get the baby out now" and when I didn't respond he shook my foot and said "Shannon, I need your consent." I was shocked that he thought I was even following their conversation - I had no idea he'd been talking to both of us.
From then on things went fast. Casey kissed me and I tried to smile at him as they wheeled me into the OR. The nurses weren't talking to me and I honestly didn't now what was going on. I didn't read the part of the book about c-sections since I wasn't going to have one. I know one nurse was particularly annoyed because I'd left my bra on! I remember the catheter being really painful on top of everything else. They were giving me oxygen and for some reason I assumed that's where the stuff to knock me out would come from. Also I was slightly hyperventilating so I was really sucking on that oxygen mask! About that time I saw my doctor standing over me with a scalpel. I've never been so scared in my life. I was so sure he was about to cut me open while I was still wide awake. Thank the Lord, he saw the look on my face and understood. He leaned over and said "I promise I won't hurt you, you'll be fine." Then they knocked me out.
I came to in the recovery room after what seemed like hours. Casey was there telling me he loved me and my cousin came in. She said "he's so beautiful. he has a head full of hair." And I thought, "who is she talking about it?" I was still a little out of it when they wheeled me into a room because when the nurse stopped by the nursery window and showed me my baby, I didn't know which one she meant.
But when they brought him to me...that was a whole different story. Here was my baby! I recognized him right away - he was the exact baby I'd been dreaming about my whole life. Just exactly like I'd always imagined me baby. Almost all of the baby boys in Casey's family had been fat and blond so I kind of assumed that's the kind we'd have, too. But this was MY baby. The perfect size, perfect features, perfect dark hair:) It was literally like being high - I was above the moon.
My doctor came in shortly to talk to me about what went wrong during the birth. He spent a long time talking to me and apologized several times that he didn't have time to talk to me more first and explain things, since he was well aware that I wanted to avoid a c-section. But Levi's cord had prolapsed and was coming first -everytime I had a contraction his head pressed on the cord and cut off his oxygen supply. Apparently he had a few dicey moments in the OR when they had to give him oxygen. I thank God for that doctor and for that surgery. I can't even let myself imagine what might have happened.
That night I had a fever which puts me at higher risk for uterine rupture now so I will probably always have c-sections from now on. But even though I was very depressed about it for a long time afterwards, I think I've managed to accept it now. I do regret that I won't ever be able to physically give birth, but I also see now what an idol I'd made out of "all-natural" childbirth. I have so much to be thankful for, including modern medicine which saved both our lives. Thanks be to God that I have my son and my daughter here healthy and that I can go on to have more children.
Monday, November 28, 2005
My second cesarean
Brenna's birth went a lot smoother than Levi's - no emergencies. It was a planned repeat cesarean, but since I was unconcious during my first one I really didn't know exactly what to expect. We got to the hospital bright and early after leaving Levi at my grandparents' house where we'd spent the night. My mom and dad and aunt and cousins were right behind us, but I'd told them not to hurry since I thought it would take awhile before we got to the actual operating room. Luckily they didn't listen to me because things at the hospital went fast. After I got changed into that horrible gown all the really undignified stuff got started pretty quick. By the time my mom stepped in to say that they were all there I was about to get an epidural. It was June and there was some kind of a/c problem. I don't remember being hot but I do remember Casey saying he smelled something musty. I have to say it wasn't on the top of my list of concerns. The epidural was my big problem. It took 4 tries and it was extremely painful. I still don't really know if my vertebrae are too close together or if I was just so huge with Brenna that I couldn't bend far enough or what. Honestly I don't like to think about it too much. After the third try Casey had to step out of the room. I think he said something about the smell making him feel lightheaded, but really he just couldn't deal with seeing me in that much pain. He had a hard time when I was in labor with Levi, too. He stepped a little too far away though because as soon as the epidural was in they were wheeling me to the OR and we couldn't find him! My parents were there and I remember the nurse saying "who else do you want in there if we can't find him?" He got back right in the nick of time, though:) I was so excited - giddy is the only word I can think of to describe it. I expected to be really nervous about the surgery, but all I could really focus on was seeing my baby. The doctors were talking about the grandopening of the new HomeDepot the night before (my doctor won a table saw and I joked with him not to break it in on me!). Casey watched the whole thing (why do men feel the need to see all that?) and when they pulled her out, he was the one that said "she's here!"
After that they weighed her (9lbs!) and wrapped her up. The pediatrician held her so that I could see her and picked up my hand to help me touch her ( I thought my arms were strapped down, but they weren't), but then she was whisked off to the nursery and I sent Casey to keep an eye on her. By that time lots more family had shown up (although my dad still nearly missed it for a cup of coffee - after coming all that way!) and they were all waiting in the hall. The nurse put a small birth announcement we wrote up in her bassinet announcing her name - the big surprise. Brenna Janes (Brenna after my mom Brenda and Janes after Casey's mom & my granny's maiden name). In the meantime they sewed me up, which took forever, and wheeled me into recovery. I wanted company and wanted my baby! My dad brought Levi in to see me, but I had the shakes and I was afraid I'd scare him. And then Casey brought the camcorder in so I could watch the tape of her first bath. That helped, but all you really want when you have a baby is to hold her and look her over from head to toe:) I couldn't wait to get in a room so they would bring her to me.
She was beautiful. Her little face looked squished from being stuck in a too-small womb (I can't help she was a big girl and I'm only 5'2"), but she was still so pretty. Long fingers and fingernails, a head full of dark, dark hair. And she nursed like a champ! Until she got sleepy and decided she wasn't hungry for a couple of hours - we learned lots of tricks for waking a baby (that I never used again).
And it was a nice, uneventful hospital stay with just a few exceptions. My blood count got very low and there was a lot of talk about giving me a transfusion which I did not want. I finally talked the doctor into waiting just a little while and with some effort on my part (making myself eat and walk - yuck!) it came up. I hope to avoid that this time. Also the baby was accidently given a bottle of formula which I wasn't happy about, so now I know to put a sign in the bassinet.
Overall, it was a great experince. I learned a lot about what I like and don't like and I have some defintite ideas this time about how things should go. But, in the end, whatever works to keep me and baby healthy is okay with me.
Soon I'll write out Levi's birth story. Until then I'll be reading some of the others written out on Kim's blog.
After that they weighed her (9lbs!) and wrapped her up. The pediatrician held her so that I could see her and picked up my hand to help me touch her ( I thought my arms were strapped down, but they weren't), but then she was whisked off to the nursery and I sent Casey to keep an eye on her. By that time lots more family had shown up (although my dad still nearly missed it for a cup of coffee - after coming all that way!) and they were all waiting in the hall. The nurse put a small birth announcement we wrote up in her bassinet announcing her name - the big surprise. Brenna Janes (Brenna after my mom Brenda and Janes after Casey's mom & my granny's maiden name). In the meantime they sewed me up, which took forever, and wheeled me into recovery. I wanted company and wanted my baby! My dad brought Levi in to see me, but I had the shakes and I was afraid I'd scare him. And then Casey brought the camcorder in so I could watch the tape of her first bath. That helped, but all you really want when you have a baby is to hold her and look her over from head to toe:) I couldn't wait to get in a room so they would bring her to me.
She was beautiful. Her little face looked squished from being stuck in a too-small womb (I can't help she was a big girl and I'm only 5'2"), but she was still so pretty. Long fingers and fingernails, a head full of dark, dark hair. And she nursed like a champ! Until she got sleepy and decided she wasn't hungry for a couple of hours - we learned lots of tricks for waking a baby (that I never used again).
And it was a nice, uneventful hospital stay with just a few exceptions. My blood count got very low and there was a lot of talk about giving me a transfusion which I did not want. I finally talked the doctor into waiting just a little while and with some effort on my part (making myself eat and walk - yuck!) it came up. I hope to avoid that this time. Also the baby was accidently given a bottle of formula which I wasn't happy about, so now I know to put a sign in the bassinet.
Overall, it was a great experince. I learned a lot about what I like and don't like and I have some defintite ideas this time about how things should go. But, in the end, whatever works to keep me and baby healthy is okay with me.
Soon I'll write out Levi's birth story. Until then I'll be reading some of the others written out on Kim's blog.
Managing our time
I stumbled across this wonderful article on time management this morning and it really got me thinking. I'm a planner by nature - I have a list for everything in my little steno notebook. Let's see there's a master list of everything I need to rememeber to do, a to do today list, a list of the menus I've planned to cook for the next two weeks, a list of some dinners to make for the freezer sometime before baby gets here, a list of presents to buy or make and the shopping list to accompany it, a list of books to checkout of the library or buy, a list of scriptures I plan to write on our walls...are y'all tired of reading about my lists yet? Cause I'm only about half way through! Let's just say I'm more of a planner than a do-er, although I am improving. I'd much rather make a list of what to do than actually have to do all those things - clean the refridgerator, yuck! And I feel somewhat superior when I add those big jobs to my list. I mean surely I'm a great homemaker, after all I have "clean the baseboards w/ toothbrush" on my list. Right? Nevermind that my house looks like a tornado hit it right this minute because I'm so busy thinking up more stuff to do and writing it on my list.
So what to do about all this overplanning? I've decided to set aside a daily planning time - using a timer! - to do my list making and a weekly time to get the big stuff out of the way. And that's it! No more spending what should be dishwashing time writing "wash dishes" on my list!
Some other things that have been eating up my time have been cut out of my daily schedule altogether. No more wasting time watching television unless it's actually something edifying (we rented Luther not long ago and I got a lot out of that). My Bible time comes first and any reading that I do after that has to pass the edifying test, too. Am I learning from it? Is it helping me in my Christian walk? To be a better wife? Mother? Homemaker? Even fiction read purely for enjoyment can be uplifting.
There are so many good things vying for our time these days - family, church, kids' extracurricular stuff, service opportunities, etc. I've tried to spend a lot of time lately praying about the priorities God has for me. And now it's time for me to make sure my activities line up with those priorities.
So what to do about all this overplanning? I've decided to set aside a daily planning time - using a timer! - to do my list making and a weekly time to get the big stuff out of the way. And that's it! No more spending what should be dishwashing time writing "wash dishes" on my list!
Some other things that have been eating up my time have been cut out of my daily schedule altogether. No more wasting time watching television unless it's actually something edifying (we rented Luther not long ago and I got a lot out of that). My Bible time comes first and any reading that I do after that has to pass the edifying test, too. Am I learning from it? Is it helping me in my Christian walk? To be a better wife? Mother? Homemaker? Even fiction read purely for enjoyment can be uplifting.
There are so many good things vying for our time these days - family, church, kids' extracurricular stuff, service opportunities, etc. I've tried to spend a lot of time lately praying about the priorities God has for me. And now it's time for me to make sure my activities line up with those priorities.
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