Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Becoming a mom

I know this is going to sound crazy for a woman with three kids to say, but I now really feel like a mother. Not that I didn't before exactly. After Levi was born I remember very specifically when it hit me that I was his mother. He'd just been circumcised and was in the nursery crying his little lungs out when I walked past the door. Just from hearing his cry I knew that was my baby and when I went in he stopped crying as soon as he heard my voice. I've always felt connected to Levi and Brenna and, now to Jack - very much THEIR mother. But now I feel like *a* mother, part of the motherhood society. Now I feel like people see a mother when they see me, whether my kids are with me or not. It isn't that I've become only a mother, as if there is no other side to me. It's more that I'm beginning to feel at home in this role. Comfortable with it. I'm okay that the college kids ask me where things are in the grocery store (obviously I'm there a lot, right?) and that to a lot of people under the age of six my name might as well be "Levi's mom." It doesn't bother me (much) anymore that I can't wear the spiky heels at the back of my closet since I have a baby to tote and a toddler to chase (and they don't fit since my feet grow with each pregnancy). I'm a mom. It doesn't mean that I'm old or frumpy or dull, but it does mean something. Something I'm just starting to figure out.


Meredith said...

What a nice thought! I look forward to feeling that comfortable in my own skin one day.

Shannon said...

Thanks, Meredith! It's really struck me this time just how uncomfortable I've been with this. It was mostly just about me being way to concerned about what people think of me. I felt like I had to put on this perfect facade all the time. But moms have bad days sometimes, moms are late for things, moms don't always look so great - sometimes I have to wear my yard shoes to the grocery store! And I just have to be okay with that:)