Sunday, July 09, 2006

When I am dry You fill my cup

I asked for prayer this morning for my attitude. My pastor's a riot - he wrote "Shannon's 'tude" on the list. I've been so ... fed up lately, feeling criticisized at every turn, angry at everyone. And I certainly realize that some of this is postpartum aftershocks, some of it was me taking my eyes off the Father and focusing too much on the opinions of this world.
Well, God is no slow-poke and He answered my prayer only moments into the service through the music. I'm very close to our music leader but I hadn't talked to her about what's going on (I'd rather whine to y'all where I can delete anyone who calls me on it - haha) so I know it wasn't her planning that I have to thank. I was just singing along to the chorus All In All, encouraging Levi to sing up since he knows the words, when the words washed over me so powerfully that I lost my breath...

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord to give up, I'd be a fool
You are my all in all
Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God, worthy is Your name
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again, I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down, You pick me up
When I am dry, You fill my cup
You are my all in all

My cup has been dry - not only are people sipping out of the top, some of them are gulping actually, but I've been struggling with others who seem determined to drill some holes or make some cracks, too. But my real problem, the one that hinges on me falling short and not other people that I can't control, is that I haven't been seeking Him. I've been looking for approval in all the wrong places and when it wasn't forthcoming (and, boy, was it not forthcoming) I've let it affect me. He is my All in All and He asks me to Trust and Obey (can you guess what the next hymn was?). So I did get a 'tude check at church this morning:) Just what I needed.

6 comments:

Holly said...

Shan,

Just in case you need to hear this today...

You are an incredible mother.

I have been impressed by you, by your tenderness toward your children, by your love for your husband, by your sincere desire to please God, by your seeking after him.

You don't need to measure up to anyone. I love how you seek wisdom, but you don't need to affirm someone else's mothering by following their advice. You are just the right wife and mommy for your family - God will give you just what you need at just the right time. No pressure to do it someone else's way or on their timetable.

Be secure in who YOU are in Christ Jesus...and be secure as a Mommy - cause I think you are very, very impressive.

Shannon said...

Holly - Boy for someone I've never actually met, you are a fabulous friend. I did need to hear this today - thank you. I don't know why I seem to get a little out of whack around the 6 month mark after a baby, but I do. And some very trying situations have all sort of collided lately, too. I'm so thankful that I can turn to others here and over at Choosing Home (y'all are wonderful!) and admit to having a hard time, to things being rough and not have to hear that it's all my own fault (for having all these kids, for not working, for whatever reason). There's just so little encouragement in the "real world" for moms who believe the way we do. Thank you for encouraging me today. And thank you for being a Titus 2 woman for me. I think you are pretty darn impressive, too! It's such a blessing to me to be able to "listen in" as you go about this mothering thing:)

Holly said...

Oh hey...I struggle right alongside you. I DON'T have this mothering thing down pat! I'm just grateful for God's mercies which are new EACH morning!

Someday, I'll come down to GA and we'll meet. :)

I'll be praying for you...hoping and trusting that the baby blues won't last very long this time. (And those who don't understand? Don't listen to 'em. Just rest in what you know God has spoken to YOUR heart!)

Shannon said...

Wouldn't a visit be AWESOME!? Thanks, Holly!

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