to my mom and my granny and my grandma. And to my mother-in-law. And to all my aunts and my friends' moms. And to all my friends who are moms. I've had a little time to think today (my mother's day gift!) and I've thought a lot about being a mom - not very original I guess, but what do you people want from me? :) I thought about my own mom and how blessed I am to have her. And how blessed I am that she had me. I came along a little earlier than she had planned. And a couple of years after Roe v Wade. There was no law that said she had to have me. I'm sure having me wasn't easy for her, but I thank God everyday that she did. I have had a magnificent life (and that's just so far). Possibly the only gift that rivals the gift of life itself has been the gift of motherhood. It took us awhile to get pregnant the first time. For almost three years I prayed for a baby and tried to "leave it up to God" (all the while trying to help Him along with charts and thermometers and even fertility drugs). Every month I sunk into a deeper and deeper depression. When I did, finally, really truly pray "not my will, even if it means never, not my will, but Yours" and we did finally did get pregnant - I don't think my feet touched the ground for months. My head was in the toilet, but my feet weren't on the ground:)
Being a mother is now completely a part of me. It took me awhile, even though I feel in love with my son before I ever saw his face, to get the hang of being someone's mommy. And then I went to the other extreme for awhile and couldn't remember how to be anything else (woman? wife? lover? Shannon? - what was that?). And just when I thought I had it figured out, God threw me a curve ball in the form of my baby girl:) And the figuring it out started all over again. I love these babies. I can't wait to have all God will give me. I love being a mother. It's the most challenging, rewarding, demanding, intense and beautiful thing I ever could've chosen to do with my life. But, you know, having said all that, it isn't everything. I think sometimes we (I) set up motherhood as some sort of idol to be worshipped. Motherhood is incredible. But it's not my all-in-all. Would I give my life for my kids? You bet. Without hesitation. But my kids are not my life. My life belongs, wholly, to the One who gave me these kids (and this husband, by the way) to serve. The One who bought me at a price. How often do I put off my time with Him (or him, as in hubby) because the kids need me? But when it comes down to it, they will all pass away. My kids will move out, start families of their own. My hubby will go on to Glory (although I selfishly hope not before me). I need always to remember that my calling first is to Christ.
Mother or not I hope you all enjoyed this Father's day and every other one you're blessed with:)