Being a single Mom

Y'all know I'm not really, but with DH working so much lately it sure is starting to feel like it. He's been working at least 60 hours a week lately and with a brand new baby, the timing couldn't be much worse. This isn't a post to whine, though:) Although that's what I'm in the mood for this morning since my microwave just up and died on me in the middle of making my popcorn. The house was already smelling yummy and the kids were all excited, but we only wound up with a small handful a piece:( Oh, I said I wasn't whining. Never mind. What I wanted to say is how much God is growing me during all of this. He has so much work to do in me! Years ago when we only had one baby and it took me all day to get us dressed and out of the house, I complained all the time about how much my hubby worked. Never mind that his incredible work ethic is exactly what made it possible for me to stay at home with our baby. I was always cranky about "having to do everything myself" and "never getting to go anywhere." If he was home I expected him to keep the baby so I could buy groceries or run errands or even just clean up - all the things I should've been doing while he was at work so that we could spend his off time together. But over the last few years God has really been speaking to me about my job as a mom, a wife, and a homemaker. Basically, He's been calling me lazy:) If someone else said it I might have a thousand example to defend myself with, but when the God of the Universe speaks to me I don't bother. He's right. I am lazy. I mean, I'd been getting by. My house was usually fairly clean - or at least I could get it clean pretty quick if we were having company. The kids were fed and clean and happy. But even when I got things done, I was being such a martyr - "look how much I managed to do even though you I had to take care of these kids at the same time!" But this is my life. I'm not just killing time here, trying to keep our heads above water. We should be swimming along, even floating:)
So I've made some changes. I don't doubt God could *cure* me of this sin (laziness is a sin) overnight, but I think He intends for me work through it, leaning on Him the whole way. So I'm going to. I know I can't run this house or raise these kids on my own. I can't even get my heiny off the couch on my own:) But by His strength, I can move mountains - even Mt Washmore.

Please pray for Molly

Her little boy is very sick. I think any mother can imagine the pain of watching our little ones suffer. It's just more than we can bare on our own. Please pray Molly and her husband have the strength to get through this and for her precious little boy's recovery.

A New Computer

Wow! Hubby is wonderful! We got a new computer for Valentine's Day (and a new bed, but I'm not posting about that!) and it's so fast that I might be able to sqeeze in a post every now and then:)

Becoming a mom

I know this is going to sound crazy for a woman with three kids to say, but I now really feel like a mother. Not that I didn't before exactly. After Levi was born I remember very specifically when it hit me that I was his mother. He'd just been circumcised and was in the nursery crying his little lungs out when I walked past the door. Just from hearing his cry I knew that was my baby and when I went in he stopped crying as soon as he heard my voice. I've always felt connected to Levi and Brenna and, now to Jack - very much THEIR mother. But now I feel like *a* mother, part of the motherhood society. Now I feel like people see a mother when they see me, whether my kids are with me or not. It isn't that I've become only a mother, as if there is no other side to me. It's more that I'm beginning to feel at home in this role. Comfortable with it. I'm okay that the college kids ask me where things are in the grocery store (obviously I'm there a lot, right?) and that to a lot of people under the age of six my name might as well be "Levi's mom." It doesn't bother me (much) anymore that I can't wear the spiky heels at the back of my closet since I have a baby to tote and a toddler to chase (and they don't fit since my feet grow with each pregnancy). I'm a mom. It doesn't mean that I'm old or frumpy or dull, but it does mean something. Something I'm just starting to figure out.

Reorganization

The first time I had a baby, my life turned completely upside down. It was literally as if I had one life before he was born and a new one started when I brought him home. I quit my job to stay home with him (although that was not our original plan) and, due to the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing, I basically sat on the couch and got to know my baby for a couple of months. Then I slowly started trying to figure out how to be a mom, run a house, live on one paycheck, and still pay attention to my wonderful hubby. God knew what He was doing when He gave me two and a half years to get some experience with one baby before He sent Brenna. There was a pretty high learning curve after Brenna, too. Not only was I going from one kid to two, I was adding on a baby who is what we affectionately call "high maintenance."
So while I was getting ready for little Jack to be born, I expected there to be a good bit of shuffling schedules and re-thinking of routines. But this time instead of being overwhelmed by it dreading it, I'm actually looking forward to it. I can't wait to get a fresh perspective on how we do things and what's working and what won't work for now. I've gotten a little more at ease about speaking up about what I can do and what I can't do. I had to give up a couple of "jobs" at the church when Brenna was born and it was really upsetting for me. I felt guilty about it and, unfortunately, that gave other people the idea that I should feel guilty about it. But since I realized that God made me a mother and that His priorities for me now may be different and since I started repeating that to myself everyday:), I've discovered a whole realm of ways to serve from home or with my kids that I hadn't even thought of before. For example, I recently started making the bread for communion and it is such a blessing for me. I love to bake, but it's something I tend to do for others - to cheer them up, to impress them (this is a real problem for me sometimes), even occasionally to bribe them:) But this is something just between Christ and I. And I might have never thought to volunteer until I realized that I needed to move from being in the "outfront" kinds of service to being more behind the scenes.
A lot of things need reorganizing around here, frankly. Pregnancy is always a rough time for me and towards the end I'm pretty much in survival mode. So now that I've freed up all of that time I was spending throwing up, I have time to get things back in shape around here - or rather in a new shape. Our family has grown and changed so it's my job to figure out the best way to roll with it. More laundry, needing to nurse when I should be cooking supper, taking three kids to the grocery store...It may sound irrational, but I sure am having fun:)