Great post you must go read

I just have to point you over to Wisdom Has Two Parts. This post just really did it for me today. The steady dripping of "shoulds" and the raised eyebrows (some imagined by me, some not) and the subtle pressure to affirm someone else's mothering by heeding her advice has really been getting to me lately. It helped to read that I'm not the only mommy who doesn't measure up:)

WFMW: Church Bags

In an effort to get our Sundays running a little more smoothly, I've designated a separate bag to take to church. It holds the Bible I take to church (not the same one I use at home so it doesn't have to leave the bag), the usual baby stuff, interesting stuff to keep the kids quiet in an emergency and anything I might need to take with me that Sunday (the recipe someone asked for or an alabaster box - stuff like that). Nothing spectacular. The usefulness of this is that the bag is only for church, has everything we need for church, and is repacked right after church and not touched again until we're on our way back to church. When you go to church three (or more) times a week and need the same things everytime, it is a big help to know that they're all ready to go. I also usually keep the kids' Sunday School offering in this bag (their little church Bibles are in there too)and hand it all out in the parking lot, but Brenna got the cutest little dressy straw pocketbook for her birthday the other day and it is just the right size for her Bible and offering so now her purse stays packed and ready inside my bigger bag until we get there.
It might not be a necessity for everyone, but it sure WORKS FOR ME! Make sure you check out all the other fabulous ideas at the other Shannon's site!

My Girl Turns Two!

I can not believe my baby girl is already two. She's grown up so much in the last few months!

We moved to this house just before Brenna was born, when Levi was just two, and we hope to be here for a good long while. I was so excited to have our own house and think that my kids might be raised in one spot that I couldn't wait to start some traditions. So every year we take a birthday picture on the front steps. I plan on starting a home-from-the-hospital picture on the front steps, too, but so far no luck on that one:( 

Works for me Wednesday

Reading all the entries for Works For Me Wednesday has become my favorite "chore" for the week. I'm learning tons! Thanks so much to the other Shannon!
My idea for this week is pretty simple. We took all the kids' books off the shelf and put them facing forward in bins. The bins sit on top of a low shelf so that they can flip through and pick a book. It's also much easier for little ones to put books back! We eventually want to make rain gutter bookshelves, but for now, this Works For Me!

The pouch

Here's me and Jack in his pouch - he fell asleep right after we took this picture. We love this pouch! But it's about time for something a little more summery - I'm thinking we might try a mei tai next.

What a message

This is some really powerful preaching. I hope y'all will check it out.

Works For Me Wednesday

I just love Wednesday now:) I think this idea of the other Shannon's :) is fabulous! Be sure to check out all the great links over here.

As for my contribution, it's not a big deal thing, but it's something we could NOT live without. DH and I have matching dry erase boards (the kinds with a marker attached!) on the front of our fridge. I use mine to keep a small chart of vitamins & meds for everyone so I can see at a glance who's had what. It also holds my running "needs from town" list. Casey usually uses his to keep track of his detailing business. But the most important use is for writing notes to each other. Sometimes it's "please call so-and-so" and sometimes a little I love you:) But it's the only way I've found that I can consistently remember to do the little things Casey needs me to do. I just literally can not remember anything - must be mommy brain:) - that's not written down!

A Fabulous New Recipe

I tried this new recipe for Pasta Primavera last night and it is GOOOOOD! I did tweak it a little to make it a little more up our alley. I added two shredded chicken breasts (just roasted them alongside the vegetables and then shredded them up - rotisserie from the grocery store would work too) and left out the cherry tomatoes cause Casey's not so found of them. It was great - even the kids liked it! Some of our eaters are not very adventurous so you can imagine how excited I am to find a meal with lots of veggies, not much fat, protein - lots of good for you stuff - that they will eat! It would be great with whole grain pasta, too. I'm trying that next time:)

BTW, I totally missed Works For Me Wednesday this week. The week just got away from me:) Be back next Wednesday, though. Same bat time, same bat channel!

Is it Wednesday already?

Well, then, I guess it's time for Works For Me Wednesday - the brainchild of the other Shannon.

My tip for this week is a super-easy way to clean my shower and glass door. You must be careful not to slip, but there aren't any toxic fumes:) I grab a magic eraser and some dishwashing liquid and hop in the shower. Soap scum comes off with so little scrubbing that I can just throw the sponge on the floor and use my foot to wipe it clean:) A good thing since my shower is so small there is no way to clean the floor while you're in there and I hate cleaning the shower fully clothed! You get all icky. This way I clean me and the shower at the same time:)

Blissful Quiet

The house is eerily quiet. Levi and Casey have run to town pick up Casey's Rx (for pinkeye, poor baby, on top of the viral infection settled in his throat) and Brenna and Jack are sleeping like little angels:) Goodness, it doesn't take much to make me giddy lately - just a little peace and quiet!
There are approximately nine-five thousand things running through my brain right now. Should I get started on all the food I'm cooking for dinner at church tomorrow (we're dedicating the upstairs of our building which is finally finished and desperately needed! PTL!) or clean the back half of the house or do some more laundry or clean my desk or read a book (and if so which ONE? I have a shelf of 14 waiting to be read!)? Or should I get started on one of the many sewing projects I have stacked up on my sewing table? What about painting the highchair or mirrors or desks I have downstairs waiting on me? Maybe I should really scrub my shower - the door is not supposed to be frosted glass, after all. I have too much to do:)
But, the thing is, although all those things are certainly easier sans children, I can do them all with little ones by my side. It's rare that I have the chance to be alone with my Father so I think I'll get back to all of you later and get out that letter He wrote me.

*when performing spellcheck, it stopped on the word highchair. Replacement option? Hijacker! That's funny to my sleepy mommybrain:)

Works for Me Wednesday (again)

Boy this has been a busy week. Everybody has either had a cold or been fighting one (except Jack! don't tell me breastfeeding's not worth it!). We all feel pretty yucky. So here is my health related tip...

When you feel a cold coming on, right away put a few drops of hydrogen peroxide in your ears (take turns) and let it bubble. When it stops bubbling, drain your ear and do the next one. If you do it a few times a day you can usually stop a cold in its tracks. I don't know why it works, but it does!

Works for Me Wednesday

I haven't had time to read all the entries today, so I hope this isn't a repeat.

I make fajita kits for nights when we're really busy. Frozen peppers and onions in one ziploc bag, frozen (fully cooked, seasoned and sliced) chicken in another bag, tortillas in another bag, and shredded cheese and taco sauce in smaller ziploc bags. Then I put all of that in a BIG bag and stick it in the freezer. I can grab one out, heat everything up and have dinner ready in less than 20 minutes!

What I've been doing wrong

Amy has written a wonderful post on raising boys that I think every mom of boys should read. I had asked her about things she and her husband do to teach their oldest son (who is newly 8 and adorable) to be chivalrous and responsible and, well, a good man. It was so sweet of her to write something for me! Since I became a mom, I've been looking for moms who were at the same stage of parenting and a little ahead so that I could learn from them - asking questions and observing the *fruit* of what they're doing. The moms around me in the real world are wonderful - many of them are dear friends. But few of them have a vision for their children similar to the one that God has given Casey and I for our family. That is why I feel so blessed to have this blogging community of women who are so open and so willing to share what they're doing that works and what doesn't.
Which brings me to the topic of this post - what we've been doing that ISN'T working. Now don't get me wrong, I think Levi is a fabulous kid:) He's very interested in learning more about his Heavenly Father, he loves to help his earthly dad, he's very sweet and funny and loving. He loves boy stuff like baseball and fishing. Just one of my three favorite kids on the PLANET:) But lately we've been noticing a few things we really don't like and aren't willing to tolerate. Mouthiness, disrespectfulness, selfishness. We've tried some things that are *supposed* to work - being very firm, removing privledges, tomato staking, and yes spanking. We've even, I'm ashamed to say, done some stuff that we know doesn't work and isn't right - yelling and lecturing. Everything had some effect. Some things were much more effectual than others. But the bad behavior still lingers.
*I've got to stop and say one more time that overall, he is a great kid. I think that may even be why this has been bothering me SO much. He's just usually so great to be around that this seemed even worse by comparison to his usual personality.*
But after a lot of prayer and reading Amy's post and a few other things like this great post from Molly, I think I've figured what I'm doing wrong. Or maybe I've just opened my eyes to what God's been showing me. We've spent much to much time trying to correct wrong behavior instead of building the right attitudes in him. He's been watching a few too many movies (we're cautious about what he watches, but even the movies that seem good to me have *bad guys* for him to emulate). And he's been around a few bad influences. DH has been working incredibly long hours (bless his heart!) and I think Levi is missing him. It's been rainy and yucky a lot (when it's not really hot) and we haven't been outside as much. I've been busy with figuring out how to juggle the needs of a preschooler, toddler, newborn, and hubby. And, well, just busy. And I think I especially have been turning a blind eye to the fact that he isn't a baby anymore. How awful to think we haven't been giving him exactly what he needs! And how humbling for someone who gets a little prideful about her mothering sometimes.
So dh and I are developing a new game plan. So far it's going to involve a lot of outside, running around, boy-time. A lot more one on one time with dad. A lot more responsibility. And a lot more praise for all the things he does so well. A lot of all the good stuff. And a mom who's a lot more cautious about what he sees and hears, but a lot less nitpicky about the *boy stuff * like yelling (it has its place) and being bossy (he is the big brother, he just needs to learn the right way to lead). I'm really excited about raising a young man! And so a big THANK YOU to Amy and to Molly and to my Father for helping me out of this funk!

Works for Me Wednesday

The other Shannon has come up with a great idea I'm going to join her in. Make sure to check out all the great links at her site.

Now for my tip...hmm, I know. Any time one of my babies gets diaper rash, I put them in the bath tub with some baking soda in the water and let them soak. Clears it up every time!

This is going to be a very dull post

You've had fair warning:) We've been super busy around here lately and I just haven't had time to think anything interesting. So I should blog about all the stuff we've been doing, right? Only that's not too interesting either. At least not to anyone but me. But since this is my blog I guess I'll blog about it anyway:)
We had elections at church yesterday and I wasn't even nominated for anything. Now I know that they batted my name around (in the past I've been on the board and Sunday School superintendent, etc) but didn't nominate me because I resigned at the end of last year specifically because with small kids I just can't make that kind of commitment. And since that hasn't changed there was no real point in asking me just to have me turn it down. But I miss being *in the know* and helping to make the big decisions. So should I just quit having kids and in a year or two be right back in the thick of things? I think no. Following God's plan for me right now means missing out on some stuff and maybe serving less at church because I'm so busy serving at home. And sometimes when people point that out to me, it hurts my feelings a little bit because, like most humans, I want what I want when I want it. But I just keep reminding myself that there will be plenty of time for all those things I want to do, if that's part of His plan for me, later when motherhood is not quite so demanding.
Also going on lately - some serious homeschool planning. Right now we're working through Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. It's going well. I'm trying not to make it a high pressure thing since my main goal for right now is just to instill a love of learning at home. We're also playing with some math stuff and reading these sample pages from A Child's Geography. Which is fabulous by the way. Also, Levi got a new story Bible for Easter with slightly more in depth stories than the usual babyBibles So we're reading several stories out of that every night. That's been really fun. We've really expanded how much we read together as a family.
I got to go to my first LIFT (that's Ladies In Fellowship Together - have you ever heard such a corny name for a women's ministry group? I might have been the one that came up with that. Either way, we need a cooler name) meeting since before Jack was born. It was great. Things didn't go exactly as planned - something that was only suppose to take a few minutes wound up taking more than an hour - but that's all I'm going to say about that. The night was great for me. Fellowship with other women is something that I never imagined myself *needing* but it is so necessary for me. And these women! They're the best!
Well, that's about all the catching up I have time for right now because Levi wants to do some math worksheets (yeah!) and because he says his water is missing. Like it's this big mystery. So it's Inspector Mom off to search the shelves of the refridgerator. Until next time...

Eagle's Nest

I just had to pass along this link. Levi is absolutley fascinated!

Just Like A Real Mom

WeeBall practice started on Tuesday. It was hysterical! An ambulance drives by and the whole team stops to watch:) Levi had a ball (sorry about the goofy pun). I was a little worried that he would be nervous since he didn't know the coach or other kids on the team, but he was fine. My brave little guy:) He's so excited about being on a team and we had the best time watching him. The funniest part for me though came at the end of practice when the sign up sheet was past around for providing snacks. As I picked a day and signed my name I thought "wow, I'm signing up for snacks just like I saw my mom do a million times....just like A REAL MOM!" How long does one have to be a mom before one stops having these little lightbulb "I'm a mom" kind of moments:) Or do they just go on and on as the kids get bigger - "wow, I'm a mom," "wow, I'm the mom of a preschooler," "wow, I'm the mom of a kid who can read" and on and on? Whatever. I'm having a great time!

my 101 in 1001

I saw this idea over at Preschoolers and Peace and it looked like so much fun! I love lists anyway and I always have an ongoing to do list (aka my Master List). But since this is for a longer period of time (about 2 3/4 years) I can put some longer term goals on there and not feel bad when they're still on the list next summer. I started my list yesterday so my finish date will be Jack's third birthday. It's hard to imagine my tiny baby is ever going to be that big:( It was fun to think ahead about putting Levi in scouts and some feild trips we want to go on. I have about 30 things starred that I want to consentrate on over the next three months or so, some of which are pretty easy like growing out my hair to donate. It's growing while I type! I started to add "have another baby" to the list since I hope to within the time frame, but I thought I'd stick to things I have in my power and leave the miracles up to God. If any of y'all have a list, link to it for me in the comments. I'd love to check it out. And one more thing, I was inspired by many of the lists I read so if you see something that looks familiar...well, that's why:) So, in no particular order, here's the list.


Homeschool
1. Pray about our home school goals*
2. have a homeschool planning time
3. Get rid of unwanted hs materials
4. attend hs convention
5. join hslda
6. teach Levi to read
7. start having a regular school time*
8. have a big “starting homeschool” day this fall

Health & Safety
9. buy and take a quality vitamin everyday*
10. put together an emergency/disaster kit
11. put together a first aid kit*
12. serve a raw vegetable or fruit with every meal*
13. get a fire ladder and have a fire drill
14. do a detox after weaning Jack
15. drink only water for a week and see if I feel better*
16. buy and try stevia instead of sugar
17. take Levi to the dentist*
18. exercise 3x a week*
19. use only nontoxic cleansers in the house
20. Lose 60 lbs ( I can’t believe I wrote down the number!)
21. go to bed and get up earlier*

Homemaking
22. Hold a garage sale*
23. Make a family tree and hang it up in the house
24. Decorate the playroom
25. Decorate Mbed and Bath – make it a retreat
26. Get rid of unwanted toys*
27. Decorate the kids’ rooms
28. Fence in the yard
29. clean out my closet and get rid of all the clothes I don’t wear
30. get a new kitchen table and chairs
31. paint scripture on walls*
32. complete my black and white picture frame of all our family
33. decorate patio *
34. invite people over for supper at least 1x every other month*
35. organize storage room to hold outgrown kids’ clothing
36. learn how to make really good biscuits
37. learn how to make a great 14 layer cake
38. have Christmas presents made or bought and wrapped before Dec 1st
39. learn to cook cabbage the way Casey likes
40. put together a list of a months worth of well-liked meals
41. create and follow a workable cleaning schedule
42. make silhouettes of each of the kids to hang up
43. establish a chore chart for kids and use it*
44. keep meals in the freezer to take to people in need
45. pack an emergency diaper bag for the trunk*
46. read or get rid of all unread books
47. Reorganize all my books
48. make a price book for groceries & household stuff
49. grow an herb garden*
50. try once a month cooking
51. Pay off all debt except house

Family
52. sign Levi up for scouts
53. make Easter more meaningful – establish more traditions
54. take the kids to the zoo in Atlanta
55. take the kids to the aquarium in Atlanta
56. swim w/ kids
57. Start Brenna’s pearl necklace*
58. Take the kids to the beach
59. Verbally praise more than verbally correct*
60. teach kids good manners
61. Have a pajama ice cream run
62. Invite Bet to stay with us over the summer*
63. be at Bethany’s high school graduation
64. plan fun things with nieces and nephews
65. start a playgroup in our neighborhood
66. get a playhouse for Brenna
67. have a traditional picnic with Casey and kids

Church Family
68. Encourage someone at church every week*
69. Weekly praise a child that’s not my own
70. start a church library*
71. go to ladies retreat at least once
72. have a cookie decorating party for the kids at church

Personal
73. build a basic wardrobe
74. take better care of my skin
75. get teeth whitened
76. buy and wear really good makeup
77. get a cool shorter hairstyle
78. Take care of my nails*

Spiritual
79. Memorize 3 scriptures per week for a month*
80. Pray faithfully for family, church family and friends
81. Finish reading through the Bible
82. establish a daily Bible and prayer time and keep it consistently*

Casey
83. pray with Casey every day*
84. Pray for Casey daily (use POAPW)*
85. plan an overnight getaway for me and Casey

Service
86. be an active prayer partner for a volunteer at the pregnancy center*
87. find a way to volunteer at the pregnancy center
88. make shoeboxes at Christmas for the Christmas Child Project
89. sponsor a child
90. grow my hair to donate to Locks of Love*

Misc.
91. invite another woman over once every other month
92. get to know some neighbors
93. make a will and have it notorized (or whatever to make it official)
94. get a bigger vehicle
95. finish “baby” quilts for all three kids
96. learn more about the Old testament laws/ traditions
97. write something and submit it to be published
98. Write a letter explaining our “quiverfull” philosophy*
99. write 1 letter a month to friends or family
100. Don’t check email on weekends*
101. Catch up on scrapbooks

The Proverbs 31 Weekly Challenge

I've been following the Proverbs 31 Weekly Challenge for the last few weeks and it is doing me a world of good. Here are the verses I'm memorizing this week.

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in Heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!
Matthew 7:11

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.
John 15:5

Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship.
Romans 12:1

I'm 30

Yippee!

I'm 30

Ugh.

Disappearing Comments

Some comments are mysteriously disappearing so, please, let me know if you've commented and it doesn't show up. Thanks, Holly, for pointing this out. Also if anyone has an idea about what might be wrong, I sure would appreciate the input:)

Me Time

I still haven't posted the pictures of the cleaned up areas. Y'all will just have to take my word for it - they got straightened, cleaned, and organized. And messed back up, but let's not get into that. God is certainly making good use of my kids to teach me lots of interesting character traits. And by interesting, I mean painful and totally against my nature. Being paitient, long-suffering, self-sacrificing... Well, let's just say that it's a testament to the life altering power of Christ that I even know what those words mean.
And I've been thinking a lot about the topic of being self-sacrificing. Staying at home with my babies has made it pretty clear that I have to get over myself. It doesn't matter how tired I am, when my baby girl has a nightmare I get up. It doesn't matter how many times Levi tests my paitience, I stay calm (or do my very best). No matter how sore I may be, if my baby needs to eat...well, y'all get the picture. But all I hear, all I read these days is about how I have to put myself first - take care of myself first so that I can take care of others. I always come back to the example of the oxygen mask in an airplane. No matter what your instincts say, you have to put the mask on yourself first so that you don't pass out and can put it on your child, right? So does that translate into real life? Should I always take care of myself first and make sure that all my own needs are met before I meet the needs of my children? I don't think so. At least not if we're defining needs the way our culture does. We have a long list of *needs* these days. My family's needs, both physical and emotional, do come first. Before mine. I hear a lot of women saying "well, I can't take care of my family if I don't take care of myself first." But frankly you can't take care of your family if you don't get up and take care of your family. They need me now - not when I'm done with my book or off the stairmaster (never really a big problem at my house!) or out of the bubble bath. It's not that there is anything wrong with taking care of one's self. In fact I firmly believe a mother should do whatever she can to keep herself in top working condition and that includes a lot of time for prayer, for study, for fellowship, for bubblebaths(yippee!!) and, yes, for exercise. But that has to be worked in without shortchanging our primary responsibilities. And it can be, I think. There's generally a lot of time for me to pray during the day. Motherhood seems to create opportunities - "please God, give me paitience. please, Lord, help me get this potty seat off my child's head. "please don't let that be a bug she just ate. please, let it be naptime!" But those are sort of snack prayers, grabbed on the run. For a meal sized prayer, I have to carve out time. But somehow it doesn't seem right to lock myself in a prayer closet while my children run wild outside. Caring for them has to come first. It's the same for all my other needs. They are important, some even neccessary, but I have to be creative about finding time for them.
All this is not to say I think my children should be under the impression that I revolve around them. I have no problem saying "Mommy is going to Ladies' meeting, you're staying with Daddy." I know it makes me a better mom when I'm supported and encouraged by other women. And I know they'll have a ball with their dad. But it always takes second place to their needs. If my husband or my kids needed me to stay home, the ladies would have to understand (and they do, that's the great thing about girlfriends).
So why is it so hard? Knowing all of this, why do I still pout when I can't do what I want? Why do I still act like such a martyr for doing what is really just basic mommy stuff? Well, if I had to guess, I'd say it's because I am still very, VERY human - full of selfishness and greed. Yuck. But what wonderful little teachers God has sent me! They too pout when they don't get their way. And, hey, at least I don't lie in the floor and kick my feet and scream "Iwantit!It'smine!Idon'twanttoshare!" Well, not since I've seen how silly it looks anyway:) So God's growing me. He has His work cut out for Him though.

The cleanup goes on

I need to get some after pictures up. The toy room is much more organized and the kids are having a much easier time keeping it that way. We still need more (inexpensive) storage though so we're looking into that. But paying bills gets priority so I may be finding ways to make do for a little while longer. What bothers me the most about this room is the blank walls. One wall is largely covered by the computer armoire, but there are two other small walls and one very long wall that sit totally empty. Since the room is completely visable from the living room, I've been hesitant to hang anything, but it's really time. I want something very kid friendly (it is, after all, a playroom) but nice enough for grown ups, too. Any ideas are welcome!

Here are the rest of the pictures.

 

Cleaning House

First let me just say that my house is often messy. I make no excuses, that's just life in my house. Since my hubby is a neat-freak extrordinairre, I almost always have it clean by the time he sees it. Yesterday was a sick day though - not just me, but the kids too. And it was raining and yucky. And I feel asleep on the couch without doing my last cleaning push before bed. So when I woke up this morning, naturally I went to the computer instead of jumping right in :> Turns out it was a good thing, though, since I read this from Chief Executive Mom. She has some great tips for Spring Cleaning that I'm going to be applying today. I thought before and after pictures would be a great idea. Very motivating. SO here are my big messy spots - the kid's playroom and my bookshelf (actually those are hubby's guitar magazine across the bottom, but the rest is mine) of stuff. So pray for me as I try to bring in some order!
P.S. My kitchen is also quite a mess, but there are limits to how much I'm willing to share.

Baby Jack and his quilt

My mom's friend, Betty, made Jack this beautiful quilt. It's got his monogram at the top and his birthdate and weight and the bottom - his full name is on the back - on antique fabric. It's just beautiful. The colors don't show up as well in the picture, but they're just gorgeous: pale blue, green and gold and white. Honestly, it looks like something a little prince would have:) He looks tiny in this picture, but he's actually growing pretty well - I only had to roll the sleeves once! 

Doing our best...

In my quest to do a better job taking care of my family, I've been searching for information and inspiration far and wide. This post of Lady Lydia's was a wonderful call-to-arms today.

Good News about Jack

The specialist found nothing physicly wrong with his nose or throat! I'm so thankful for that! We still don't know what's causing the noise, so of course I'm still concerned. But it doesn't seem to be anything severe. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers - it's really meant a lot to me!

I can be so ditzy sometimes.

At some point over these last few week, I accidently turned on the comment moderator! So all kinds of great comments were just sitting over there waiting on me for no good reason. And I was pouting because I figured everyone had forgotten about me! Like I said, such a ditz.
So... thank you all for commenting! And for being paitient with me:) I'm going back to comment on your comments now!

I haven't been around much lately...

I've been really busy with Baby Jack. He has what we think is larynomalagia (a "floppy" larnyx) causing him to make a funny noise sometimes when he breathes. He's actually done it since he was born - it's just becoming more frequent and more severe sounding. So there've been doctor appointments and chest x-rays and nights of me just watching him breathe. We finally get to see the pediatric ear, nose and throat guy in the morning and I am so...excited. That word seems so strange applied to a doctor's appointment, but I really can't wait to get a definite diagnosis and to know what I can do! I really pray that the doctor will have a diagnosis for us and that there will be something we can do - the mommy in me just wants to fix this! But more than anything I just want to rest in the knowledge that my God is good and He is in control. The peace He gives is so powerful - I panic, in my human-ness, and I can feel His arms embrace me. I can't imagine living my life without my Father.

Just A Mom

This segment on ABC's Good Morning America has a lot of stay-at-home moms really up in arms. The guest, Linda Hirshman, has basically declared that raising children and running a home are not worthwhile pursuits for an educated woman. That we owe it to feminism to work and that our place is in an office. That, in fact, staying home is not an option women should be allowed to choose.
This article is a very good overview of her position and of why she's just so wrong, so I won't go into all that right now. What I want to talk about is this quote. When confronted by women who say that staying home to be wives and mothers is the most fulfilling thing they could do, Ms. Hirshman has this to say...
"I would like to see a description of their daily lives that substantiates that position," she said. "One of the things I've done working on my book is to read a lot of the diaries online, and their description of their lives does not sound particularly interesting or fulfilling for a complicated person, for a complicated, educated person."
Let's nevermind for a moment that she's calling me "uncomplicated" (the educated woman's code word for stupid) and that she assumes her definition of interesting and fulfilling should go for everyone. What's so striking to me is that we do, as a culture, believe that "homemaker" is about as dull an occupation as there could be. We value home and hearth and family so little that this woman believed she could get away with calling for women to be unable to choose staying home. And she's gotten national exposure for this idea. Can you imagine Good Morning America doing a segment on someone who didn't believe women should be allowed to work? Could a person get on national television saying that women were letting down society by going to work?
But frankly I have to say that I'm grateful to Ms Hirshman, at least in some small part for opening my eyes. I guess part of me really thought that with so many intelligent, educated women of my generation choosing to stay home, that we were past the point where making a home and raising children was seen as a big dull waste of time. I thought at the very least we'd progressed to a point where most people viewed it as an equal option to working full time. But clearly the idea that I am "just" a housewife or "just" a mom is still going strong out there. So what do I do? Do I go door to door defending myself with studies that show children are better off when mom stays home? Do I turn on the moms I know who work - my own mom included - in an effort to make myself feel better? I don't think so. I don't have time to go around proving how fulfilled I am or fighting to make everyone take me seriously. And no way am I going to pretend that every minute of my day is mentally challenging and stimulating - no one who's ever swept the kitchen floor nine times a day would buy that anyway. But I can do all those things that make this a fulfilling profession instead of sitting around watching Dr Phil and parking the kids in front of Sponge Bob. And I can make sure I keep my own attitude straight. I can know in my head and heart that what I'm doing is worthwhile. I can really believe that my job is as noble a calling as being a missionary or brain surgeon or Supreme Court justice. And I can let my actions and my speech reflect that. Never again, NEVER AGAIN, will I say I'm "just a mom."

Being a single Mom

Y'all know I'm not really, but with DH working so much lately it sure is starting to feel like it. He's been working at least 60 hours a week lately and with a brand new baby, the timing couldn't be much worse. This isn't a post to whine, though:) Although that's what I'm in the mood for this morning since my microwave just up and died on me in the middle of making my popcorn. The house was already smelling yummy and the kids were all excited, but we only wound up with a small handful a piece:( Oh, I said I wasn't whining. Never mind. What I wanted to say is how much God is growing me during all of this. He has so much work to do in me! Years ago when we only had one baby and it took me all day to get us dressed and out of the house, I complained all the time about how much my hubby worked. Never mind that his incredible work ethic is exactly what made it possible for me to stay at home with our baby. I was always cranky about "having to do everything myself" and "never getting to go anywhere." If he was home I expected him to keep the baby so I could buy groceries or run errands or even just clean up - all the things I should've been doing while he was at work so that we could spend his off time together. But over the last few years God has really been speaking to me about my job as a mom, a wife, and a homemaker. Basically, He's been calling me lazy:) If someone else said it I might have a thousand example to defend myself with, but when the God of the Universe speaks to me I don't bother. He's right. I am lazy. I mean, I'd been getting by. My house was usually fairly clean - or at least I could get it clean pretty quick if we were having company. The kids were fed and clean and happy. But even when I got things done, I was being such a martyr - "look how much I managed to do even though you I had to take care of these kids at the same time!" But this is my life. I'm not just killing time here, trying to keep our heads above water. We should be swimming along, even floating:)
So I've made some changes. I don't doubt God could *cure* me of this sin (laziness is a sin) overnight, but I think He intends for me work through it, leaning on Him the whole way. So I'm going to. I know I can't run this house or raise these kids on my own. I can't even get my heiny off the couch on my own:) But by His strength, I can move mountains - even Mt Washmore.

Please pray for Molly

Her little boy is very sick. I think any mother can imagine the pain of watching our little ones suffer. It's just more than we can bare on our own. Please pray Molly and her husband have the strength to get through this and for her precious little boy's recovery.

A New Computer

Wow! Hubby is wonderful! We got a new computer for Valentine's Day (and a new bed, but I'm not posting about that!) and it's so fast that I might be able to sqeeze in a post every now and then:)

Becoming a mom

I know this is going to sound crazy for a woman with three kids to say, but I now really feel like a mother. Not that I didn't before exactly. After Levi was born I remember very specifically when it hit me that I was his mother. He'd just been circumcised and was in the nursery crying his little lungs out when I walked past the door. Just from hearing his cry I knew that was my baby and when I went in he stopped crying as soon as he heard my voice. I've always felt connected to Levi and Brenna and, now to Jack - very much THEIR mother. But now I feel like *a* mother, part of the motherhood society. Now I feel like people see a mother when they see me, whether my kids are with me or not. It isn't that I've become only a mother, as if there is no other side to me. It's more that I'm beginning to feel at home in this role. Comfortable with it. I'm okay that the college kids ask me where things are in the grocery store (obviously I'm there a lot, right?) and that to a lot of people under the age of six my name might as well be "Levi's mom." It doesn't bother me (much) anymore that I can't wear the spiky heels at the back of my closet since I have a baby to tote and a toddler to chase (and they don't fit since my feet grow with each pregnancy). I'm a mom. It doesn't mean that I'm old or frumpy or dull, but it does mean something. Something I'm just starting to figure out.

Reorganization

The first time I had a baby, my life turned completely upside down. It was literally as if I had one life before he was born and a new one started when I brought him home. I quit my job to stay home with him (although that was not our original plan) and, due to the fact that I really didn't know what I was doing, I basically sat on the couch and got to know my baby for a couple of months. Then I slowly started trying to figure out how to be a mom, run a house, live on one paycheck, and still pay attention to my wonderful hubby. God knew what He was doing when He gave me two and a half years to get some experience with one baby before He sent Brenna. There was a pretty high learning curve after Brenna, too. Not only was I going from one kid to two, I was adding on a baby who is what we affectionately call "high maintenance."
So while I was getting ready for little Jack to be born, I expected there to be a good bit of shuffling schedules and re-thinking of routines. But this time instead of being overwhelmed by it dreading it, I'm actually looking forward to it. I can't wait to get a fresh perspective on how we do things and what's working and what won't work for now. I've gotten a little more at ease about speaking up about what I can do and what I can't do. I had to give up a couple of "jobs" at the church when Brenna was born and it was really upsetting for me. I felt guilty about it and, unfortunately, that gave other people the idea that I should feel guilty about it. But since I realized that God made me a mother and that His priorities for me now may be different and since I started repeating that to myself everyday:), I've discovered a whole realm of ways to serve from home or with my kids that I hadn't even thought of before. For example, I recently started making the bread for communion and it is such a blessing for me. I love to bake, but it's something I tend to do for others - to cheer them up, to impress them (this is a real problem for me sometimes), even occasionally to bribe them:) But this is something just between Christ and I. And I might have never thought to volunteer until I realized that I needed to move from being in the "outfront" kinds of service to being more behind the scenes.
A lot of things need reorganizing around here, frankly. Pregnancy is always a rough time for me and towards the end I'm pretty much in survival mode. So now that I've freed up all of that time I was spending throwing up, I have time to get things back in shape around here - or rather in a new shape. Our family has grown and changed so it's my job to figure out the best way to roll with it. More laundry, needing to nurse when I should be cooking supper, taking three kids to the grocery store...It may sound irrational, but I sure am having fun:)

Colds/Flu strikes the Miller home

This is a lousy time for us to get sick, but sick is what we are. Levi's on the upswing from full on flu - including all the fun stomach symptoms. Casey and Brenna have colds with coughs and baby and I are just stuffed up. I think we'll all survive, but with Casey working overtime I sure am having some sleepless nights. The irony is that I've only left the house 2 times since we've been home in an effort to keep Jack from catching anything and we still got sick. All this cabinfever for nothing!
But it could be so much worse. My friend's baby, born 4 days before Jack, is having surgery today for a stomach problem. I can only imagine the pain of watching a tiny baby struggle with a serious problem like that. The heel sticks to check Jack for jaundice were traumatic for me - I can't imagine IVs and surgery. If y'all will, I know she'd really appreciate prayer for little Luke.
So we're recovering - hopefully enough to avoid the doctor's office, which is where I think this came from. Is it any wonder I try to stay out of there?

Baby Jack (long!)

I'm typing this one handed so y'all bear with me:) I just wanted to (finally) fill everyone in on our very busy week!
Jack's birth really didn't go like I planned, but, Praise God!, he's here safe and sound. Last Thursday night (the 12th) I laid in bed all night having a lot of what I assumed were more Braxton Hicks contractions - painful as always, but irregular. Hubby was at work so he missed out on my grumpiness, for awhile. The next morning, the kids and I slept late - til 8, that's late at our house. By the time I got them breakfast the contractions were getting a lot closer together and more regular so I laid down to try to get them to stop - still thinking it was just false labor. This is what's commonly known as denial. I finally started calling hubby at 10 when the pains were ten minutes apart and veeerrrry painful. When I called my doctor he wanted me to come into the office to be put on a monitor. Not what I wanted to hear. The monitor? Did this guy not understand I was in labor?!? All of a sudden I was getting very sure that we were headed directly for a baby here and I needed to get myself to the hospital.
Hubby brought his mom home with him to keep the kids and we jumped in the car - no shower, no bag, no nuthin' - and headed to the doctor's office an hour away. Let's just say it was a long drive. We had to keep pulling over so I could be sick (such fun for the people passing us I'm sure). And I was extremely cranky at this point - crying, ranting, raving. I was trying to behave myself, but...let's just say it was not a pretty picture, but hubby stuck with me:)
By the time we got close to the doctor's office, he had called the cell phone to send us on over to the hospital where he was waiting on us. After he checked me, we were all glad I'd gone there first. I was only dilated to a four, but the contractions were only 3 minutes apart. With my first pregnancy I went from 4 cm to needing to push in what seemed like seconds - although I wound up with a c-section anyway. So I may have delivered at the doctor's office had we gone there first. But since we were at the hospital everything went smoothly. I was scheduled for a repeat section for medical reasons so we went ahead with that, but I was much more relaxed and "in control" feeling this time. I got the spinal instead of the epidural - for some reason they always try to push that epidural, and I liked it fine after I got it, but I couldn't go through getting the thing again. Last time it took three very painful tries. The spinal was much easier. Hubby was a little nervous because there was no one there with us yet - we usually have quite a crowd lining the halls. I made him promise to stay with the baby - even if he had to be transferred to another hospital, so he was very worried about having to leave me all alone. My grandparents made it just in time, though.
The surgery itself went really smoothly. The doctor's and nurses were wonderful and worked hard to try to give me the kind of birth I wanted. The only hitch was lowering the curtain in time for me to see the baby sliding out. They lowered it in time, but had to yank it back up to keep the little guy from peeing in my face:) My nausea was still going strong and let me just tell you - throwing up when you're numb from the breastbone down and your insides are on the outside is quite an experience. And not a good one. On a positive (I guess) note, we did discover one anti-nausea medication that works for me (instead of making it worse!) - after trying everything else.
Jack's Apgars were wonderful, but he did have to stay in NICU for about five hours due to some breathing problems. He seems just fine now, but I'm still being a little extra cautious with him - washing hands before visitors hold him, staying home for these first few weeks, the stuff other moms do with every baby:) He's sleeping a lot and doesn't seem to nurse as much as my first two, but he's gaining pretty quickly. He was back up to his birth weight within a week, in spite of serious jaundice.
I just can't find the words to get across how blessed I feel. God is so good! I'm just in awe of Him and His creation. The way He's cared for me and for this precious new life is just more than I can really comprehend. I'm so amazed that this little person fit inside me - how is it that a week and a half ago I felt so huge and now I can imagine how I was carrying this little guy around in me! Nothing compares to knowing that God knit this little one together in me and then protected us both through the whole process of growing him and bringing him into the world! Have I said it before? God is SOOO good!

Jack Warnock Miller is here ...

and he's beautiful! A little early (3 1/2 weeks), but he was 7lbs and 3 oz. I can't wait to fill in all the details, but it's a little hectic right now so I'll get back to you. In the meantime, just let me say God is so good!

I'm kind of hungry...

This is a very good sign. For some reason I am sick for at least the first 35 weeks of pregnancy. I don't just mean I wake up a little nauseous. I mean even the thought of food makes me violently ill. I struggle to keep down things like saltines and ice. But the last few weeks I start to get a little bit of my appetite back and I actually start to gain back a little of the weight I've been steadily losing for the last 9 1/2 months. My doctor is usually thrilled. I'm still sick, but not as much.
So I woke up today and, after throwing up, actually craved a grapefruit. And a grilled ham and cheese. And for dinner tonight .... I cooked! Something better than chicken tenders and fries! Chicken marsala, roasted garlic mashed potatoes, sauteed spinach (with more garlic), and homemade (that's right, I said homemade) bread. And it was good. I missed cooking.

Is anyone else ready to get going on 2006?

I have an almost strange amount of energy this morning - well for someone this pregnant, anyway:) I have so many projects I can't wait to get started on and/or finish up - and of course I want to get it all done before our new little guy gets here.
We're working on redecorating in the kid's rooms. Levi has his own "big boy" room with a transportation theme. We're working on painting a train on his wall with the "train up a child" verse over it. He's really excited about painting on the walls:) Brenna and Baby will share a room (when he moves out of our room, anyway). It has a sort of princess and the frog theme. Lots of little froggies with crowns.
We're also working on switching Brenna from the crib to a toddler bed. After much consideration we finally decided it would be better to get her used to the toddler bed before the baby gets here, even though he won't be in the crib for a little while. We have a cradle (handmade by my grandfather for our first baby) that goes in our room, but most of the time new babies sleep with us. We usually transition to the crib after a couple of months.
I'm organizing the playroom/schoolroom. It's a disaster. Before Christmas I weeded out all of the unused and or broken toys (as well as a few things I just didn't like) to make room for the influx from family members who love to spoil my kids:) But I didn't clear out enough! We're working on some new shelves like these for books and some new storage for toys - some of the tiny stuff is even going in Levi's room in a rolling set of plastic drawers. They really got some great gifts though - a lot of educational stuff and toys with great play potential. Our favorite so far is the huge "sand"box that Casey made for Levi. It's actually filled with peagravel making it perfect for building roads with Levi's nine million Tonka trucks and much neater than sand. It's actually big enough for Levi and Casey to play in:)
I've already started reorganizing my household notebook and reworking some of our routines for these last few weeks before baby and the first few weeks after. I've really revamped my menu and grocery list making sections since Casey is taking over the grocery shopping for a little while. Grocery shopping is actually one of my favorite jobs, but right now I'm having trouble walking very far at all. And, while the kids are actually very well behaved (most of the time) in the store, it's still just not much fun hauling little ones in and out. So since Casey can run in first thing in the morning when he gets off work, I'm taking full advantage. I'll still be doing all the planning - but that's pretty easy from the couch!
I've definitely started to hit that nesting phase, although probably not at full stride just yet. Just a few weeks left to go though - and that's if there are no surprises:) I have this week "off" from going to the doctor, but next week I go in for a biophysical profile. I love the ultrasound part of this - staring for 1/2 an hour at my baby is so wonderful. We actually just had an ultrasound last week, which my mom got to be with us for. The little guy appears to have a head full of hair, not surprisingly since my other two did, too. But the wonderful tech who does ultrasounds for my doctor is convinced that this little guy's hair is curly:) And we got a fabulous picture of his foot. His second toe is longer than his big toe, which my granny says means he will rule the roost:) That sounds good to me! All these little peaks inside just make me itch to get my hands on him. I can hardly wait!
Our year is off to a running start it seems like. Well, maybe more like a fast waddle for me:) But at least I'm moving in the right direction!

I drank a coke today

Since I have insulin issues while I'm pregnant (and really the rest of the time, too), I really watch my sugar intake very carefully. I completely swear off coca cola while I'm expecting, even though I love, love, love it. So when my husband brought some home last night I knew there was gonna be trouble. He bought it to take to a cookout at a friend's house, but the friend already had plenty to drink. So he brought it home. I guess I understand. I mean, what was he supposed to do - throw it away? I kid you not - I literally laid in bed last night thinking about that coke. So I had a glass this morning and... it was good. Hubby's working on getting the rest of it out of the house for me, but I think I feel my willpower coming back anyway, so I should be fine. But I'm pretty amazed that after months of not drinking the stuff I could still be that addicted!

Christmas - a look back

It's hard to imagine that something we work and plan so long for is over in one short weekend. But it is...until next year. I have to say this Christmas felt really good. The kids still got swamped with gifts from both sides of the family - some more welcome than others. The gifts, I mean. And there was still a little stress from the driving back and forth and staying up too late. But overall, it was a wonderful Christmas and I couldn't be happier that it went so smoothly. The gifts we gave brought as much pleasure as the ones we got and some of the ones we got were especially wonderful. My uncle who is a pastor gave us some beautiful advent storybooks for next year since he heard that I was trying to incorporate more spiritual focus into our holiday. My mother-in-law bought me a fabulous iron, which was well out of my price range. Now I can stop living in fear that my old one might electrocute me if I turn on the steam. And my mother, who always gives great gifts, got me new maternity clothes to wear for the holidays - even though I only have a few weeks left. I protested the impracticality, but new clothes made me feel like a new woman:) And my mom pointed out that I can always use them next time! It's so nice to have her support - that was as good a gift as any.
So now we're taking it easy. Slowly putting all the presents away and getting the decorations downstairs. And this year I don't have the post-Christmas letdown I usually experience. There's still too much to look forward to in this house! My niece and nephew are here for a visit, as are my parents. And, best of all, we have a new baby to get ready for. I had a sonogram yesterday, by the way, and he's gorgeous! With tons of hair! My mom came with me and we were both just blown away. The 3d (or 4d?) sonograms are so detailed. We now have a great picture of his foot (second toe is longer than his big toe) and his ear, which curls just like his daddy's. I just can't wait to meet this little guy!
I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

It's Christmas Eve morning and all is well:) Hubby had to hit the ground running this morning to finish his "project" - a great big gravel box (like a sandbox, but with gravel) in the back yard for Levi. Ask me how difficult it's been to keep Levi from seeing it! So far though, the kids and I are taking it easy. They are watching a very cute animated movie about the first Christmas -lots of songs to hold their attention - while I finish baking some pecan pies. I have a few gifts left to wrap and then it's to Grandmother's house we go.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend with your families and especially that you spend some time with Our Father thanking Him for the gift of His Son.

Things I Love About Being (Very) Pregnant

By this point in pregnancy (34 weeks) I'm quite miserable most of the time:) Since I'm only 5'2", the baby doesn't have much of anywhere to go except up into my rib cage and straight out in front of me. And I've got a sinus infection. And there are the Braxton Hicks contractions:( Etc. But I'm also well aware that this baby will be making his entrance pretty soon and I will miss being pregnant (strange as that seems to me now!). So I thought I'd list some of the things I really enjoy about being pregnant and spend some extra time over these next few weeks celebrating them.
1. Feeling the babywiggle and squirm inside me. It's so fascinating to feel this whole other person with his own arms and legs that he can move all by himself (sometimes when you least expect it) INSIDE ME! I'm already getting little clues about his personality - he seems more laid back most of the time, but when I sit down he comes to life!
2. When he gets the hiccups. I remember with Levi and Brenna being just overcome with emotion the first time that they got the hiccups after they were born. It was such a tangible reminder that just hours ago they'd been inside me.
3. I love the attention. Okay, I admit it. I like having people make just a little fuss over me - not too much, just an extra phone call or a seat in a crowd. I think it's a shame that a lot of those little courtesies have fallen to the wayside.
4. I love how thick my hair gets. And shiny:)
5. I love the instant camraderie with other pregnant women - even strangers.
6. I love planning for and daydreaming about the baby. What will he look like? Will these tiny baby clothes really fit? Levi and I had so much fun yesterday dragging out all the newborn clothes and washing them. He loved hearing about when he was that little and talking about the baby.
7. I love how excited Levi is. I'm not all together sure how much Brenna really understands yet (although she does like to kiss my belly), but Levi is so excited about *his* baby. He also is under the impression that he picked the baby's name, which is the very first secret he's ever kept. We're not arguing with him since he picked the same name we picked:)
8. I love the excuse to nap without guilt. I'm growing a human here!
9. It's such a great time to share what a blessing children are. Without a word (which is often just an invitation for people to argue with us), everyone can see that we want children just because we're happy about being pregnant.
10. Honestly - I like maternity clothes:) All clothes should have a nice stretchy waistband:)

The final test of my Christmas resolve

Well, it's just 5 or 6 days until Christmas - depending on when you start celebrating. We do a lot of Christmas Eve stuff so I tend to count both days. Our family's tradition goes something like this. On Christmas Eve I want to get to my Grandmother's (mom's mom) as early in the day as possible to help with the baking and cooking and eating and to visit. My parents live in Texas so any time they're here I like to spend a lot of time visiting:) We almost always have last minute stuff to do though and don't get to Dublin (an hour's drive) until about 4pm. Everyone gathers at Grandma's house by about 6 and we have snacks and goodies until the little kids can wait no longer to open presents. Isn't it odd that I remember so well when I was one of those kids jumping up and down, but now I prefer the snacks and visiting? We all exchange presents with the teenagers usually being "Santa" and passing them out. It's becoming somewhat chaotic as our family grows, but usually everyone is pretty polite. Then we move back to the kitchen for my grandparent's anniversary toast. They've been married for 51 years on Christmas Eve this year! These two are so inspirational to us because they are *not* one of those perfect couples. My grandfather was just saved within the last few years (PTL!), they were a military couple, they suffered a lot of loss, and they can just both be hard to get along with:) On their anniversary last year, we watched them have a big argument about the crossword puzzle! But they've managed to genuinely love each other for better than 50 years:)
Anyway...I got side-tracked. After Grandma's, it's off to Granny's (dad's mom) where people stop in to visit all evening and a wonderful chaos reigns. We usually don't get everyone settled down enough to open gifts until pretty late - 10 or 11 at least. So by the time we leave there and drive home, we're looking at midnight to get home.
Christmas Day starts with more presents and breakfast for the four of us. Then church! We're really excited about being able to worship with our church family this year on Christmas Day. Then over to my sister-in-law's house for a big Christmas dinner and, that's right, more presents. Then we drive home for a nice quiet supper and reading the Christmas story again before bed.
There are lots of little events this week, too, before Christmas. My Ladies' Fellowship meeting/party, Levi's Kid's Club party, church Wednesday night, my parents and sister getting into town, it's my week to clean the church, groceries have to be bought, etc.... So how am I going to maintain my commitment to a tranquil Christmas? What's really helped so far is extra alone time with my Father. Even though I don't technically have time when there is so much else to do, spending extra time in the Word and in prayer has been so wonderful this month. I can't even count the number of times I've been drawn back to focus on Christ, not parties, on Christ, not food, on Christ, not presents. So this week, when I know the "one more gift" and "I hate to miss" thoughts will start popping up with more intensity, I'm counting on time with my Savior to remind me about what's really important. I can't wait!

Christmas Gift Ideas

In my effort to fins Christmas gifts that are a) something the recipient will actually use and/or enjoy and b) not outside our limited Christmas budget, I stumbled upon this website. If there's anyone on your list who might enjoy a magazine subscription this is the place to go! I just bought three gift subscriptions for less than 5 bucks - that's total, not each:) And, even better, it's a magazine that I think all three of my sister-in-laws will really enjoy. Now I didn't see a lot of specifically Christian materials, although that wasn't really what I was looking for, but I did see a lot of high quality magazines. So check it out and shop to your little heart's content:)

Boy what a weekend...

Levi had a great birthday. Four years old! We took him and his cousin to Chuck E. Cheese's on Saturday. That's a whole post in and of itself. A zillion kids, all the coke they want, a confined space... Levi and Noah had a good time though and that's what we were aiming for:) Brenna really liked the toddler area, but the rest of it was a little overwhelming.
We had ice cream cake at home and a birthday party the next morning at Sunday School with cupcakes for all the kids. I was afraid I'd be cheating him some how by not having a regular birthday party at home, but it turned out fine. He was excited about getting to do something different and it was a lot easier on me. Which turned out to be a good thing since I had Braxton Hicks contractions all day Sunday. I was miserable! If I hear one more person say that they aren't supposed to hurt, I may snap my twig! I was actually really nervous since I have 6 1/2 weeks left until d-day and words like "under-developed lungs" and "NICU" kept running through my mind. I know that God is in control of this little guys life - including his birthday - but I can't help but want him to be fully "cooked." Although I will admit to being a tad impaitient to get him out here:)
In the meantime, Lydia has written a fabulous post on homemaking and the kitchen over at Choosing Home. I'm so inspired to get my kitchen in order! So today I'm cleaning out cabinets and the fridge and freezer - now that the remnants of the ice cream cake are out of the way (hubby and Levi finished them off for breakfast - how's that for healthy?). I may even get around to baking a few dozen nice healthy muffins for the freezer. Breakfast in the freezer - it's a good thing:)

Should the state have taken this child from her parents?

I just saw this on Primetime and it's got me really thinking. For those of you who don't feel like doing a lot of reading... a beautiful, three year old little girl died of what may have been AIDS related causes. Her mother who is HIV+ does not believe in taking drugs to combat the HIV and didn't take them while she was pregnant. She also breastfed her daughter and refused to have her tested for the virus.
So now there's a large contingent of people who lay the blame for her daughter's death on her head. And, at least some who say that if an HIV+ woman has a baby and refuses to have the baby tested for the virus - her child should be removed from her custody by the state.
So my question, I guess, is this...does the state have the right to compell a parent to have their child undergo medical testing or treatment? If we allow exceptions for people who have a "religious" objection to medical treatment, then why is this woman's belief different? She strongly believes that it was in her daughter's best interest to be breastfed, to not be tested, to not be exposed to anti-viral drugs in utero. Who gets the final say about a child's healthcare? The parents or the state?
I feel like I have to say that I didn't "like" this woman. Had it been me, there is no way I could have risked feeding my child a fatal virus. But I can't help but wonder why this is different than choosing whether or not to have your child vaccinated or to give them a blood transfusion. And if we say that it's okay to take a child away from his or her parent because they don't make the *right* medical decisions, then a lot of us may be in trouble.

This is as indepth as my thought process can go today:)

1. Seven things to do before I die: Celebrate (at least) our 50th anniversary - 75th would be even better. See all my children and grandchildren walking in the faith and following God's will. Visit the Holy Land. Help to deliver a baby (in a midwife kind of way). Hear my husband say "this gravy is better than my mom's!" Write a book. And, on a sort of selfish note, lose weight and keep it off.

2. Seven things I cannot do: Make a pie crust that doesn't fall apart. Buy groceries without a list. Stop giving my baby brother advice (he just got out of the navy, but I still remind him not to run out of gas). Go more than a day or two without talking to my mom. Wear orange. Put down a good book. Ignore chocolate.

3. Seven things that attract me to my husband: He's the hardest worker I've ever met. He's so tall and handsome. He really believes in the sacredness of marriage. He's generous. He has gorgeous blue eyes. He writes me great love letters. He's a wonderful daddy. He brings home dinner when I'm too sick to cook. He glows when we have a new baby. He stands up for me whenever I need defending. Was I supposed to stop at seven? Amy's right, some things we can't help.

4. Seven things I say most often: Use your fork, not your hands. Brenna, get down. Please get a tissue. Where is my...(insert interesting-to-a-toddler object here)? Mommy needs to rest for a minute. Okay, one more book. Church isn't until...Wednesday, Sunday, this evening, whenever (Levi's favorite question lately is "when can we go to church?").

5. Seven books (or series) I love: The Bible (NIV is my favorite, but that's me). Gone With the Wind. The Tightwad Gazette. All the Way Home. The Left Behind Series (they're not the Gospel, just a thought provoking read!). The Mommy Manual. The Hidden Art of Homemaking.

6. Seven movies I watch over and over again: Let's see if I can think of seven...Gone With the Wind, of course (Amy, are you sure y'all can't move up here?). To Kill a Mockingbird. A Time To Kill. That's all I can think of right this minute. I watch National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation every year (hubby loves it). And, although I doubt I could watch it over and over, I'd count The Passion of the Christ on my list just because it had such an impact on me.

7. Seven people I want to join in, too: Let's just make this an open invite since I don't like to put anyone on the spot:)

Are you "ready" for Christmas?

I've been told that this is a Southern thing - that in other parts of the country people don't ask you this when you run into them at the Piggly Wiggly during November and December. But Christmas is THE holiday around here - the season kicks off with Thanksgiving and lasts until New Years. There are parties and dinners and cookie exchanges and Christmas plays. We decorate the house - inside and out - and the church and some people put wreaths on their cars. Add in birthdays for hubby and Levi and our anniversary and we can be a little busy around here. It can be a wonderful time of celebrating our Savior and sharing our joy with family, friends, and neighbors. Or it can be a stress-filled season of running from place to place, of "have-to's" and "should have's." It can be standing in line and fighting over the latest *must have* toy and staying up all night trying to get the Christmas cards mailed out on time.
Since I became a stay at home mom and received the salary decrease that went along with it,we've never had a lot of money to spend on Christmas. At first it really bothered me because gift giving has always been one of my very favorite parts of Christmas, but it's just a fact of life that I'm learning to deal with. This Christmas I'm determined not to be stressed out about what we can and can't afford or who gets what. I've actually decided not to be stressed out about anything this Christmas. The more I focus on the reason for this season, the more I want to have a really special holiday this year. I want to enjoy my family and be thankful for what I am able to do. Actually being 32 weeks pregnant (as of today!) I don't have the energy to do a lot of the running around that I usually do. What a blessing that's turned out to be! Any Christmas shopping I've done has been online - staying out of the stores (and they're a nightmare already) prevents me from feeling guilty about all the things I'd like to buy for family and friends. And from seeing all the things I want to put on my wishlist:) Not to mention avoiding the stress of shopping with a pre-schooler, a toddler, and a big belly.
I've crossed lots of things off my calendar and made room for more nights of driving around to look at the lights and sip hot cocoa. Going fewer places makes it so much easier to really enjoy it when we do go out. I've cut back on a few other things, too. I'm only making the recipes I really like to make and eat this year. A side effect of ongoing nausea is that I just can't cook certain foods - and I can eat pretty much whatever sounds good to me (as long as I watch the sugar). So if I feel like gorging on my mom's sausage balls, my doctor will say "protein and calcium! great!" And since we'll be sending out birth announcements with pictures in January, I'm skipping the Christmas cards and standing in line to have the big Christmas picture made for them.
So what am I doing this holiday? What made the cut? Well, I'm really looking forward to church service on Christmas morning and I had a ball buying Brenna's Christmas dress (now to find Levi a semi-matching shirt) at a Children's Wear Outlet sale. The tag says $36 and I got it for $6! And it's beautiful! Levi is wild about Christmas light so we plan on driving around at least once a week to look at them right before bedtime. We're spending some time as a family thinking of and doing for others - spreading some of our joy! I've narrowed the gift list to things I think will really be enjoyed and to things that I can buy or make. I want people to know that I put my heart into what I gave, not just my wallet. And most of all I'm not going to feel guilty about the number of gifts under our tree. I'm focusing on what matters this season. So I'd love to hear any of your truly cherished traditions - we're always looing for good stuff to replace the meaningless stuff we're getting rid of.
Barbara has wonderful ideas on her site

When Levi was born

It was about a week and a half before my due date so I still thought I had plenty of time. After all, I'm late for everything:) Boy, you really don't know anything the first time around, huh? I had read all the books and magazines. I had my birth plan all worked out - no drugs, no unneccessary interventions, etc. I was going to be great at this whole birth thing. Of course I thought I was going to be great at the whole pregnancy thing, too, and that hadn't gone exactly like I planned what with the never-ending morning sickness and all. And I had been on semi-bedrest for two days due to slight pre-eclampsia. But I was determined to "do" birth just right. I couldn't wait!
On Saturday night we went to a family Christmas party where I ate as many cream puffs as I could hold and complained about a nagging backache (to which my aunt replied "please don't have that baby right here"). The next morning I woke up having very mild contractions and decided to skip church. I just told Casey I didn't feel like going - no need to panic him just yet:) I rested up while he was gone and got a few more things unpacked. We had just moved from our apartment to a house and I was still trying to find everything. I had to unpack so I could pack for the hospital.
When Casey came home the contractions were still irregular and pretty far apart. We hung out for most of the afternoon until about six when they started coming about every ten minutes. We called my mom in Texas and called my doctor to let him know we'd be coming in sometime. We lived about an hour from the hospital so I'd been well-warned not to wait until the last minute. By 9:00 the contractions were every 6 minutes and getting painful so we headed out the door with that last "life will never be the same" look back. It was a long ride down to the hospital.
And of course when we got there I was no where near as far along as I thought - barely 2 cm dialated. My doctor didn't want to send me home so we walked. My aunt arrived almost as soon as we got there with my grandparents right behind her. Casey was a little annoyed with everyone. I think he felt like they thought he couldn't take care of me or like this should be a special time for just us. I would have agreed with him up until they actually got there:) Then I was so glad to have some company! Someone to baby me a little (not his strong suit, although he's come along way since then).
We walked for hours until I hit about 4 cm, then they wanted to hook me up to the fetal monitor. I readily agreed because it meant getting to lay down! My contractions felt a lot stronger than the little chart showed. I will never forget Casey saying "look, that one only went a third of the way up!" I was not terribly upset when he suggested running to my Granny's for a quick shower at about 7 that morning. Not that I was glad to see him go, of course. My grandfather fussed a little at him, but we figured we knew what we were doing. So my grandmothers sat with me for awhile. My doctor offered me stadol "to take the edge off" but I was still holding out. I noticed myself getting very cranky - my grandmother's conversation with each other was really getting on my nerves. "Why weren't they paying enough attention to me?" Until I had a contraction and then it was "why are they talking to me, can't they see I'm busy?" About that time I got very suddenly, very violently sick. The "nice" nurse washed me off and let me get up long enough to wash out my hair in the sink, but wouldn't let me take a shower. By the time I got back to the bed, the contractions were a lot harder and I was doing every breathing exercise I could remember to get through them. But, upon inspection, I was still not dialated very far. So, with Casey back by my side, we agreed to the pitocin. The contractions were suddenly off the chart and coming in no predictable pattern at all - one on top of the other. I think at that point they gave me stadol, but I don't really remember anything except feeling totally out of control. The next thing I remember is Casey saying that the baby's heartbeat was getting really low. He was watching that machine like a hawk. The nurse checked me and called the doctor, who inserted that internal monitor and checked me again. That was probably the most physical pain I've ever experienced. The doctor was talking, but I had no idea he was talking to me. At that point I really felt like I was going to die and just hoping that Casey would tell him to do whatever he needed to do to save them baby. I heard the doctor say "we need to get the baby out now" and when I didn't respond he shook my foot and said "Shannon, I need your consent." I was shocked that he thought I was even following their conversation - I had no idea he'd been talking to both of us.
From then on things went fast. Casey kissed me and I tried to smile at him as they wheeled me into the OR. The nurses weren't talking to me and I honestly didn't now what was going on. I didn't read the part of the book about c-sections since I wasn't going to have one. I know one nurse was particularly annoyed because I'd left my bra on! I remember the catheter being really painful on top of everything else. They were giving me oxygen and for some reason I assumed that's where the stuff to knock me out would come from. Also I was slightly hyperventilating so I was really sucking on that oxygen mask! About that time I saw my doctor standing over me with a scalpel. I've never been so scared in my life. I was so sure he was about to cut me open while I was still wide awake. Thank the Lord, he saw the look on my face and understood. He leaned over and said "I promise I won't hurt you, you'll be fine." Then they knocked me out.
I came to in the recovery room after what seemed like hours. Casey was there telling me he loved me and my cousin came in. She said "he's so beautiful. he has a head full of hair." And I thought, "who is she talking about it?" I was still a little out of it when they wheeled me into a room because when the nurse stopped by the nursery window and showed me my baby, I didn't know which one she meant.
But when they brought him to me...that was a whole different story. Here was my baby! I recognized him right away - he was the exact baby I'd been dreaming about my whole life. Just exactly like I'd always imagined me baby. Almost all of the baby boys in Casey's family had been fat and blond so I kind of assumed that's the kind we'd have, too. But this was MY baby. The perfect size, perfect features, perfect dark hair:) It was literally like being high - I was above the moon.
My doctor came in shortly to talk to me about what went wrong during the birth. He spent a long time talking to me and apologized several times that he didn't have time to talk to me more first and explain things, since he was well aware that I wanted to avoid a c-section. But Levi's cord had prolapsed and was coming first -everytime I had a contraction his head pressed on the cord and cut off his oxygen supply. Apparently he had a few dicey moments in the OR when they had to give him oxygen. I thank God for that doctor and for that surgery. I can't even let myself imagine what might have happened.
That night I had a fever which puts me at higher risk for uterine rupture now so I will probably always have c-sections from now on. But even though I was very depressed about it for a long time afterwards, I think I've managed to accept it now. I do regret that I won't ever be able to physically give birth, but I also see now what an idol I'd made out of "all-natural" childbirth. I have so much to be thankful for, including modern medicine which saved both our lives. Thanks be to God that I have my son and my daughter here healthy and that I can go on to have more children.

My second cesarean

Brenna's birth went a lot smoother than Levi's - no emergencies. It was a planned repeat cesarean, but since I was unconcious during my first one I really didn't know exactly what to expect. We got to the hospital bright and early after leaving Levi at my grandparents' house where we'd spent the night. My mom and dad and aunt and cousins were right behind us, but I'd told them not to hurry since I thought it would take awhile before we got to the actual operating room. Luckily they didn't listen to me because things at the hospital went fast. After I got changed into that horrible gown all the really undignified stuff got started pretty quick. By the time my mom stepped in to say that they were all there I was about to get an epidural. It was June and there was some kind of a/c problem. I don't remember being hot but I do remember Casey saying he smelled something musty. I have to say it wasn't on the top of my list of concerns. The epidural was my big problem. It took 4 tries and it was extremely painful. I still don't really know if my vertebrae are too close together or if I was just so huge with Brenna that I couldn't bend far enough or what. Honestly I don't like to think about it too much. After the third try Casey had to step out of the room. I think he said something about the smell making him feel lightheaded, but really he just couldn't deal with seeing me in that much pain. He had a hard time when I was in labor with Levi, too. He stepped a little too far away though because as soon as the epidural was in they were wheeling me to the OR and we couldn't find him! My parents were there and I remember the nurse saying "who else do you want in there if we can't find him?" He got back right in the nick of time, though:) I was so excited - giddy is the only word I can think of to describe it. I expected to be really nervous about the surgery, but all I could really focus on was seeing my baby. The doctors were talking about the grandopening of the new HomeDepot the night before (my doctor won a table saw and I joked with him not to break it in on me!). Casey watched the whole thing (why do men feel the need to see all that?) and when they pulled her out, he was the one that said "she's here!"
After that they weighed her (9lbs!) and wrapped her up. The pediatrician held her so that I could see her and picked up my hand to help me touch her ( I thought my arms were strapped down, but they weren't), but then she was whisked off to the nursery and I sent Casey to keep an eye on her. By that time lots more family had shown up (although my dad still nearly missed it for a cup of coffee - after coming all that way!) and they were all waiting in the hall. The nurse put a small birth announcement we wrote up in her bassinet announcing her name - the big surprise. Brenna Janes (Brenna after my mom Brenda and Janes after Casey's mom & my granny's maiden name). In the meantime they sewed me up, which took forever, and wheeled me into recovery. I wanted company and wanted my baby! My dad brought Levi in to see me, but I had the shakes and I was afraid I'd scare him. And then Casey brought the camcorder in so I could watch the tape of her first bath. That helped, but all you really want when you have a baby is to hold her and look her over from head to toe:) I couldn't wait to get in a room so they would bring her to me.
She was beautiful. Her little face looked squished from being stuck in a too-small womb (I can't help she was a big girl and I'm only 5'2"), but she was still so pretty. Long fingers and fingernails, a head full of dark, dark hair. And she nursed like a champ! Until she got sleepy and decided she wasn't hungry for a couple of hours - we learned lots of tricks for waking a baby (that I never used again).
And it was a nice, uneventful hospital stay with just a few exceptions. My blood count got very low and there was a lot of talk about giving me a transfusion which I did not want. I finally talked the doctor into waiting just a little while and with some effort on my part (making myself eat and walk - yuck!) it came up. I hope to avoid that this time. Also the baby was accidently given a bottle of formula which I wasn't happy about, so now I know to put a sign in the bassinet.
Overall, it was a great experince. I learned a lot about what I like and don't like and I have some defintite ideas this time about how things should go. But, in the end, whatever works to keep me and baby healthy is okay with me.
Soon I'll write out Levi's birth story. Until then I'll be reading some of the others written out on Kim's blog.

Managing our time

I stumbled across this wonderful article on time management this morning and it really got me thinking. I'm a planner by nature - I have a list for everything in my little steno notebook. Let's see there's a master list of everything I need to rememeber to do, a to do today list, a list of the menus I've planned to cook for the next two weeks, a list of some dinners to make for the freezer sometime before baby gets here, a list of presents to buy or make and the shopping list to accompany it, a list of books to checkout of the library or buy, a list of scriptures I plan to write on our walls...are y'all tired of reading about my lists yet? Cause I'm only about half way through! Let's just say I'm more of a planner than a do-er, although I am improving. I'd much rather make a list of what to do than actually have to do all those things - clean the refridgerator, yuck! And I feel somewhat superior when I add those big jobs to my list. I mean surely I'm a great homemaker, after all I have "clean the baseboards w/ toothbrush" on my list. Right? Nevermind that my house looks like a tornado hit it right this minute because I'm so busy thinking up more stuff to do and writing it on my list.
So what to do about all this overplanning? I've decided to set aside a daily planning time - using a timer! - to do my list making and a weekly time to get the big stuff out of the way. And that's it! No more spending what should be dishwashing time writing "wash dishes" on my list!
Some other things that have been eating up my time have been cut out of my daily schedule altogether. No more wasting time watching television unless it's actually something edifying (we rented Luther not long ago and I got a lot out of that). My Bible time comes first and any reading that I do after that has to pass the edifying test, too. Am I learning from it? Is it helping me in my Christian walk? To be a better wife? Mother? Homemaker? Even fiction read purely for enjoyment can be uplifting.
There are so many good things vying for our time these days - family, church, kids' extracurricular stuff, service opportunities, etc. I've tried to spend a lot of time lately praying about the priorities God has for me. And now it's time for me to make sure my activities line up with those priorities.

What a busy week:)

Vacation Bible School went very well. Levi was grown-up enough to get up front with the big kids for the closing songs on Sunday morning! I couldn't have been prouder as he sang and did the motions - until he started pulling his hat down over his face and talking to the kids around him during the pastor's part, anyway:) At least everyone else still thought it was cute:) brenna did great too. I was very excited that she stayed with her nursery class the whole time and didn't cry for me once. Well, excited and a little tiny bit sad since it's a pretty good sign that she's starting to grow up.
Casey and I have been reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover and we've made the big decision to get completely out of debt. We actually are not in too deep, but hubby does have to work awfully long and hard to keep us floating along. The more I think about not owing anyone anything, the more excited I get. It will mean some belt tightening around here, which is what we're currently working on. I've always been pretty frugal in principle:) so I guess it's time to really put my money where my mouth is! I think the thing that has me most excited is having hubby at home more. It will be so wonderful to have him only working 1 job when baby#3 makes his/her appearance this winter. I also can't wait to be able to pay for things with cash. We can actually invision the day we pay cash for our new (to us) minivan and the day we have our mortgage burning party! I've been rereading The Tightwad Gazette (by Amy Dacyczyn - if you haven't ever, read this book) and rereading some money articles that Amy posted on the MOMYS digest (I'm not sure if these are on her blog or not, I need to check). Both of these are full of great advice.
All righty I'm off to start supper. I hope you're all having a wonderful week!

A Quick Note

Just to let y'all know I'm still here. We've had quite a week with Vacation Bible School (known at our church as Back-to-School Bible School), which isn't over until tomorrow, and family dinners and the exhaustion/sickness of pregnancy. I did manage to get some reorganizing of our "school" supplies done and we've officially started back to school! I had a ball figuring some goals for the next few months and we're already seeing some improvement. The best thing though has been hearing Levi say "can we do school now?" as soon as he finishes breakfast.
Other than that I've spent a lot of time on the couch reading and watching the kiddies play. I've read several really good books that I'm going to mention on here this week and I want to tell y'all about all the fun stuff we have planned for school.
I also want to point y'all over to an interesting conversation about s-e-x and Christians over at Evangelical Update. So far it's been fairly respectful, but one thought, that Christians use sex as a marketing tool for marriage, just had me beside myself. I'd love to see some of you adding your two cents over there.
Well, I'm off to make salad to go along with the takeout my darling hubby is bringing home. No cooking! Yay!

A Book Review

First let me say that this book was a gift given purely out of the author's generosity and kindness of heart. She certainly didn't ask me to review it and, actually, has no idea that I'm about to so I hope it's all right with her:) But this is one of those books that, once you read it, you just can't help talking about it.
The book is The Mommy Manual by Barbara Curtis - and it's fabulous. I was thrilled with the whole thing - start to finish.
Barbara draws on her experience as a mom (and she has a lot of experience! - 12 kids!) to teach mommies all about building up your children and your family. I got so many great ideas for creating traditions and discipline. She talks a good bit about uncovering the potential God put in each of our children, too, and that's such an important thing for me to keep in mind when my little ones are causing me to pull my hair out:) She also includes a great list of children's books to read aloud - one of our favorite traditions - and a list of really good family night movies. I think Christian mommies have an especially hard time finding books and movies for our kids because in addition to wanting quality, we also want something that reinforces the values we want to pass on. This list was really helpful for me.
The greatest thing about this book is just how real it is. I'm always on the lookout for a "Titus 2 Woman" to sit down and chat with - about raising godly children, about what I need to be doing now so they'll be responsible, loving adults later. There aren't many women around who are willing to sit down with you and say "this is what I did and my kids turned out pretty great." It's just a great practical and inspirational book and Barbara is a great writer. I recommend it whole-heartedly!